Repetitious Affairs

Hotel Of My Thoughts (No Vacancy)

You don't deserve to know me how you do.

I never should've invited you into the darkened corners of my mind,

and you never should've made a home for yourself there.

You stayed there even when there was no vacancy

and I wasn't going to be the one to bear the news to you

that you had to leave.

There was nowhere else for you to go.

I wasn't going to be the one to send you packing

even when I didn't have the room to keep you safe and warm.

I couldn't supply you with what you needed,

yet you stayed in the hotel of my thoughts

and took up more space than I had to offer.

It was dark and dingy and you didn't like the peeling corners

of the faded paper on my walls, so you tore it all down

without my permission.

You didn't like the way I had arranged my furniture,

so you burned the antique cabinets and tables and chairs

to pieces

without even asking me.

When I told you to leave, saying

"I have no place left for you here",

you laughed a menacing laugh

and pulled out all the keys you had cut

to every room -

every space -

that was once locked

in the private,

loving and kind

hotel of my mind.

You had access to it all.

I did not invite you to stay.

You had made a home for yourself

in a place that was strictly meant for me -

a place designed for my own healing and clarity -

but you ruined every bit of comfort

by moving in.

You weren't invited.

And now that you have access to

every single place

that I once hid and felt safe and secure -

I don't know where to go.

You have taken up the space

that was undoubtedly mine,

and now I am

left without a home.

If I were to move back in,

it wouldn't look the same anyway.

You have since

bought new furniture and

changed all the locks,

painted the walls

and put in new flooring.

I don't recognize this place.

I am without a home,

locked out of my own mind.

I never should've let you in.