Repetitious Affairs

Burn

It's clawing inside -

raging to escape like a moth from its silk cocoon -

only, it's not peaceful.

It's not a way of life.

I was never supposed to feel

my skin crawling from the inside out -

I was never meant to

bleed from the outside in.

God didn't make me this way.

(even so, I pray:)

I wasn't born to dance with the darkness,

I wasn't made to be covered in soot.

I wasn't supposed to be strung like a puppet

and I wasn't manufactured as your own marionette.

My words are frozen on my timid tongue

when they should be lashing the deadly flames

you so deserve at your calloused and controlling hands.

An evil puppeteer.

But each of your fingers are matches in a book

that make up the hands that

choke with indulgence,

and I wouldn't dare light a spark to something

as sinister as your pawing, needy grasp.

(It burns. Oh God, it burns.)

It continues to surround me -

your stale breath and sultry whispers -

and I am but a mere droplet

in an untamed tsunami.

The roaring tide pulls me to and from the shore,

but even the washing of the water -

once holy and pure -

cannot protect me from the

crashing waves and deadly sins

that you forced so deeply upon me.

I was never meant to breathe your breath.

I was never supposed to live amongst ashes.

I was never made to be bulletproof

and I sure as hell was never intended to be shot point-blank

between the eyes

only to fall to my knees, looking up at your

pleading - yet scowling - eyes.

(Help me. In The Name Of The Father, The Son, And The Holy Spirit - save me from this fallen angel. Protect me from this scornful beast.)

The doves in the distance

sat still in their nests

as the serpent you are

bit down on my chastity,

and I began to wither

into

nothing.

The specks of dust I've become

are carried by the wind -

away

away

away

until they land back at your feet -

unexpected -

undeserving.

Your coercive hands build me from the ashes

and for a moment,

I am a phoenix -

ready to catch fire and ignite your wicked soul,

sending you to the devil's merciful gates.

But it is only for a moment.

And soon I am crushed by boulders,

laying flat on the ocean's floor:

as the tide came and went

and I remain pleading -

I gasp for air that is forbidden to swallow

without permission from your filthy lungs.

Now, we are one.

What I encounter from now on,

you will be here - a part of me.

I'm breathing your breath,

I waltz with the night.

I'm tied to a leash

and I'm burning to nothingness.

I wish I could say it was only for a moment.

But my world has devolved to ash, bone, and dust -

and it was never supposed to be this way.

You are not a way of life.

This is hell on earth.

I am cursed in a never-ending moment.

And it burns. Oh God, it burns.

(Amen.)