Saving Grace (editing)

31: Grace ~ Existence

Chapter Thirty-One

Time is precious.

However you just have to tolerate it and realize to treasure it when you fully understand its worth.

Time is cruel too.

There isn't enough to go around or to keep.

It screws you over sometimes, well most of the time.

I never got hold of enough time for myself.

Looking back, I realize that I grew up too fast: too fast for me to experience a proper childhood

I guess I was forced to grow up.

After the moment Lily's heartbeat ceased, time seemed to cease too, just for that millisecond.

In that small moment, it seemed like the gears in myself and my parents clicked in a different way... like the altering of some wires inside each of us.

I knew that things would never be the same.

It changed my family... if I were able to consider my parents as an actual 'family'.

They fought constantly, over every little thing that came across. It was like they waited for the tiniest details to trigger an argument.

They never ended well. After many shattered plates and tossed objects scattered the floor, either my father would storm out of the house and never return for days, or my mum would break down crying... sometimes it was both.

I usually hid away when this happened and once it was clear, I always cleaned up the aftermath: sweeping the mess up and removing all traces of the fight.

Maybe I thought that by removing the evidence it would remove the truth behind it too.

I never complained or spoke up.

I never trusted anyone anyway.

They didn't seem to notice me anymore and I had to take care of myself.

I became stressed and pushed to the breaking point when I couldn't tell anyone of my struggles and pain.

I didn't think I had anyone to tell or anyone would listen.

I resulted to self harm and crying myself to sleep to the sounds of the destruction going on in the house.

I never wanted to die however... honestly the thought of removing my existence in the world never struck me as something that I would go about doing.

My dad would reek of Jack Daniels and my mum locked herself up in her bedroom.

I knew that ultimately they weren't just mad at each other: they were mad with the world of taking their precious little daughter and the harsh reality the world had thrown at them.

It was breaking them piece by piece till they became nothing than mere lifeless bodies walking on earth with no meaning.

I had witnessed so many terrible things that were unspeakable...

I wanted their fighting to end and it did... after four years... but not in the way I wanted.

My mum overdosed.

And my dad drunk and drunk even more and he left for good.

They forgotten about me and left me with nothing.

They had their ending and I used to think that they were so selfish for doing so.

How about my ending?

I thought mine would come straight after but it didn't.

I held on for a while longer.

I stayed in the quiet empty house for a week, but it didn't last.

The silence was torturing me and the walls seemed to push against me and taunt me for still being alive.

I had hallucinations and memories of the events that had occurred in the hallways and rooms. Sometimes I thought I saw my sister running up the stairs or my mother in the kitchen and even my dad outside in the garden.

Soon it became too much and I fell to the ground, screaming and sobbing. I trembled and shook. I clawed and pulled at my hair. It was all too much for me.

Before I knew it, I burst open the door and ran.

I had been good at athletics in school.

I ran and ran, past houses and down roads.

I couldn't run anymore after a while so I walked on.

I was stupid for not bringing any food or water but during the spur of the moment there was nothing else to live for.

I must have walked for miles because so many hours past and soon they became days. The sun would set and darkness would come. I honestly don't know how I was able to keep going for so long.

When I couldn't bear walking anymore I remember collapsing on my back on a patch of grass. The air and chilly and I had no idea where I was.

I looked up at the sky and saw white specks dot my vision. It had began to snow.

I smiled stupidly and closed my eyes, thinking that maybe this was it.

My mind drifted away and I subconsciously fell asleep but I was still aware of my surroundings for a while but soon I became trapped in a new world that was drawn by my mind.

This world in my head was too influenced by my haunting past.

I was broken beyond repair that I had stopped functioning properly...

I was gone... until that one day when I awoke to two faces that would change my life forever for the better.

They would save me.

~Grace