Meat and Fluids (JTHM Fanfiction) (Nny x Me)

Chapter 15

(Nny's POV)

Lies, lies, everyone lied to me. Even Roy had to lie to me in the beginning, just to get me at this point, but Doughboy. The Doughboys have been lying to me all along. They never ONCE even TRIED to explain what was behind the wall, what it could do, what it all meant. Even if they're not lying to my face, they manipulated me by not telling me the whole truth of the situation. My life didn't seem to be at stake here, and if it was, the only one that wants the entity IN this reality has been trying to get me to kill myself for the past FOUR YEARS. FUCK!

How could I have been so BLIND, so STUPID!? The lying bastards in this world were not only around me on the streets, but also right in front of me in my own home! Whispering, telling secrets, telling LIES... Forcing me to follow demands that risked my life and sanity while they stayed home and marinated in there own filth and wasted away, knowing i would come save them. All they had to do was say the right things, and their puppet would come back, taught at the strings and screaming through its painted on wooden mouth. For it cannot speak unless instructed to.

But that's over, I'm DONE! A poppet I am NO MORE! No more voodoo or bullshit! I'm the one taking the strings, taking the needles to plunge into the dolls of me they carried around. I'M in control of my own mind, I NEED to be.

"They're not my responsibility to do..." I told him, when he asked why.

I didn't need to go back to where I knew I'd get yelled at. I didn't need to go back to the place that caused me nothing but torment and depression.

At least one of the Doughboys would get what he wanted, and the thing would be out. If I wasn't there how could it even find me? It's safer here, No windows, locked doors, soundproof basement. It's be the perfect bunker to hide from anything that came after me!

"It's safer here," I finally stated after Roy had stared at me while he emptied the meats and dressings into their soft shells. "There's no one to bitch at me for doing the wrong thing, even though it's not the wrong fuckin' thing... No one to place blame on me, even when it's not my fault, not my choice, not my control..."

I don't remember how I got on the floor. My hand was above me, still attached to the door while I slid down it's surface, finally feeling my ass hit tile.

"Do you want cheese?" he asked, unfazed at my mini melt-down.

"Yes please." I don't know how I was able to answer, my mind so emotionally drained, I felt like I was on autopilot. Numb and unable. Useless.

Roy seemed to think for a moment, contemplating what he might do next with how I was seated, how I was acting. And he sat down too, right in front of me. He slid my plate near me, the perfect little wrap sitting nice and pretty on top of the paper.

And, sadly, I pushed it back.

"I didn't feel hungry anymore." I picked at the scab that peaked out of the gauze, waiting for a comment.

My stomach twisted at these new thoughts, these these- independent thoughts. Thoughts that I came up with on my own on how my life could turn out without the information being force fed to me like a deep feeding tube. And that tube had been retched from my gut, making me sick and twisted. The tube hadn't wanted to be pulled out, but now that it's out, I refuse to put it back in. A flavorless fluid flowing through my organs. I wasn't going home where they could force it back down my throat! 

"That's okay," was all he said. And for a moment, I wanted to smile. I don't think I physically could at such a pleasant emotion, but I did. And even though it was only a few millimeters on each side, Roy still saw it. And he smiled back, a true smile. Not one that seemed forced, or protective, or hid the fear of danger he knew he was getting into when he first started this. One that hadn't scared me because of the intentions behind it.

And everything was nice for once.

And then there was a knock at the back door. Roy went into immediate panic.

"Roy toy baby, I brought your CD's back. I found them in my car!" A voice announced.

"Shit," he whispered between us, "I-I'll be right there, give me a minute!"

The immediate panic turned into a tornado of frantic movement, cleaning the plates off the floor and throwing, just, EVERYTHING into the fridge. And in the four seconds that took, two of them were spent staring at me. Eight more seconds were spent getting me off the floor and, I'm assuming, coming up with some form of an idea.

"I-I, I need- I don't have time to put you in the basement," he whispered harshly, unlocking the handcuff from the fridge and snapping it next to the other jaw of metal, almost making a bracelet. And I just barely realized... I didn't mind him touching me. The only positive version of a relationship I have for reference was with Devi, and that... ended poorly. But even with her, all we ever did with contact was hold hands, or the occasional touch of thighs and arms, FUCK, I couldn't even KISS HER! And she never initiated it, I always had to go out of my comfort zone, seek affection. But Roy... Pulled the comfort of my introversion right out from under me without so much as a second thought. It was sudden, and uncomfortable, and depressing, and...

"I need to know you won't run if I open that door, that-that you'll just go with this for as long as she's. Because if she gets even a HINT that something is wrong, she'll call the cops. And we both know we're BOTH FUCKED if that happens!" his whisper hissed through his teeth while he tried to make emphasis on words without raising his voice. "Can I trust you not to run?" I immediately answered yes; weather I'd actually follow that, I wasn't sure.

Though my insides burn with unfamiliar mixtures of appreciation and anger and confusion, and I don't know what to do with it...