Anywhere But Here || The Outsiders {COMPLETED}

Tear In My Heart

It had been a week since Johnny died, we were all still grieving and Dallas was still gone.

The gang and I still hung out everyday but we barely spoke a word, most days we'd just sit in silence. The death of Johnny didn't just hurt me and Ponyboy, it hurt everyone.

Steve barely ate which was so unlike him, he didn't even ask me or Darry to bake cake for him. All Twobit did was drink, cans and bottles littered the floor of the Curtis' living room from his excessive drinking. Sodapop didn't talk about girls or even cars, he barely spoke at all. Darry didn't shout at Ponyboy, not even once and Ponyboy barely even came out of his room.

Johnny's death was slowly tearing the gang apart, I thought this would bring us all together but I was so wrong. We all had different ways of dealing with his death so we left each other alone to do whatever we could to make things better.

Darry, Steve and Sodapop always left for work at an ungodly time when the rest of us wouldn't even dream of being up.

When I woke up Twobit was passed out in Darry's chair, I didn't doubt for a second that it was from all the drinking he was doing the night before.

Ponyboy came out of his room and I barely even recognised him. His usual dreamy green eyes were dark and his newly bleached hair, that was usually greased back into a neat hairstyle was sticking out in all directions. The underneaths of his eyes matched the purple jacket he had slumped over his back.

He walked towards me so I gently placed my hand on his shoulder. "How are you doing Ponyboy?"

"Well you wouldn't believe me if I said fine, would you?"

I shook my head unable to give him the comfort he needed. I had never been good at helping people who were grieving, especially when I was in the same situation as them. I decided to just sit beside him and put my arm around him hoping to be of some help.

"Is everyone out?" He questioned looking around the room.

"Everyone but Twobit, he's passed out on the sofa though." I let out a small giggle hoping to earn a reaction from Ponyboy.

I succeeded earning a small smile from him. "Course he is."

We both got breakfast and sat at the table, we didn't worry about making too much noise, nothing we did would wake Twobit.

"Veronica, I want to do something today, I want to get my mind of this for a while."

"I was actually going to do something today, you can tag along if you want?"

"What are you doing?" He questioned looking content that he could finally get out of the house.

I looked down at the ground knowing he would hate the idea as soon as I told him. It was what I wanted to do and Ponyboy's opinion wasn't going to stop me.

I spoke bluntly. "I want to go and talk to Bob."

Ponyboy had an expression of anger and confusion painted across his face. "Why, I thought you hated him?"

I hated how Bob treated people especially people younger than him, I hated how Bob treated Cherry when he was drunk, I hated how Bob thought he was better than everyone else. But I didn't hate him.

Bob had been one of my best friends for two years and that bond was only broken when I cut it off with Randy.

"Now I know how bad it is to lose people Ponyboy. Bob lost someone he loved like a brother, I'm sure he feels just how Dallas does."

"I guess I didn't think of it like that. I'm sure Bob wouldn't want me near him, but I think you should go."

"I'll see you later, keep an eye on Twobit for me will ya." I let out a chuckle.

I set off on my walk to Bob's house, it wasn't too far from mine and I'd been there a couple times so I knew where it was.

I hesitantly knocked on the door waiting for an answer, seconds later the door slowly opened. The Bob I knew wasn't the Bob at the door. He was a perfectionist, his blond curly hair always had to be a certain way, his clothes always had to be expensive and his skin always had to look perfect. This trait completely abandoned him, his hair was messy, we was wearing a simple tshirt and sweatpants and the bags under his eyes were worse that anyone's I'd ever seen. Seeing him like this reminded me of  Ponyboy earlier in the morning, they both acted tough in front of their friends but deep down they had emotions too.

He opened the door a little wider and motioned me to go in. He lead me down the hall into his living room, we both sat down in sync.

He finally spoke up. "I heard about your friend.. Johnny, was it?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"It was hard enough losing one person, I can't imagine how it feels to lose two." He had a tone of genuine sympathy in his voice.

"I mean, I wasn't all that shocked when I heard about Randy, he had it coming. Johnny was so different, nobody saw it coming."

Bob placed a hand on my knee. That was the first time I'd ever seen this side of Bob. Although I'd been friends with him for a while, he never showed a soft side until now.

"You know you can talk to me whenever Veronica, I miss you being around, since Randy has gone it's just me and Cherry now."

"I know, I'm sorry. I loved being friends with you guys but as soon as I met the gang it felt like home."

I looked down at the ground so Bob wouldn't notice the pools beginning to form in my eyes.

"Veronica? What's wrong?"

I looked up at Bob and shook my head.  "It don't matter, it's stupid."

"Tell me."

"It's my friend.." I took a breath trying to control my emotions. "After Johnny died he ran away, he never left a note, he never told anyone where he was going, he just left."

He gave me the same sympathetic look he gave me earlier that afternoon. "Which one?"

"Dallas Winston."

Bob's eyes lit up.  I thought he would make some comment about Dallas being a terrible person or that it was good that he was gone but he didn't.

"New York!" He exclaimed while gripping my knee a little tighter.

"What?"

"I heard he used to live in New York, maybe he went back?" He shrugged.

"Bob that's it! Thank you so much!" I hugged him quickly before bolting out the door back to the Curtis'.

I figured that Ponyboy would be home so I could tell him I'd be away for a few days but when I walked in the house was empty. Ponyboy must have taken Twobit out for some fresh air.

I quickly scratched a note onto a piece of paper and slid it onto the table before making my way to my house to pack a bag for New York.

I knew both my parents would be at work and there was a high chance my sister would be out with her friends.

I stuffed a pile of clothes into a backpack and grabbed my purse before leaving for the station, it was pretty far away so I knew I'd have to hitch a ride with someone. 

In no time at all I was sat waiting at the station. I watched as people walked past going about their life when I realised how weird it was to know that just because you feel like your life has stopped, everyone else keeps going. I realised that anybody sat here could be experiencing what I was and nobody would ever know.

I felt pools forming in my eyes again, I had to stop, I couldn't just cry in public.

I realised that when you lose someone and you're not expecting it you don't lose them all at once, you lost them slowly, piece by piece. Their smell begins to fade, you forget how it sounded when they laughed, how they looked when they cried and how they made you feel.

I knew how dangerous New York was and although I knew Dallas had lived there before, I didn't know if he could handle it now after losing Johnny. I couldn't stand losing him too.

I knew I had to find him as soon as possible, but I didn't know how much of a challenge that would be.