The Mental Health Ward

Chapter 18 - Fuck the world

WARNING - THIS CHAPTER WILL BE TRIGGERING FOR PEOPLE WHO SUFFER OR HAS PREVIOUSLY SUFFERED FROM SELF HARM.

It had been around 8 weeks now since i had been admitted into PICU and with the new medication i was on i was making good progress, i no longer was seeing Ben but my only problem was that i was still feeling suicidal. I had not told anybody this because they were all so proud of me and my progress.

The staff had finally got a hold of my mother and she was actually coming in to see me today. I was really nervous about seeing her again it had been so long and i had done so much there was a lot to talk about. She was coming in at half twelve to see the doctor first and then she would come onto the ward to see me. 

It was half eleven at the moment, i only woke up about 20 minutes ago. I decide to pass the time i was going to take a quick shower before lunch.  I didn't bother dressing up nicely for my mother she wouldn't care, so i wore my black ripped jeans with a Falling in Reverse band tee.  

After lunch which was a pork dinner i sat on one of the sofas listing to the music channel magic which was on t.v. Time passed quite quickly.

''Matilda, your mother is here to see you.'' 

I looked towards the entrance to see my mother walking to me. Nothing about her appearance had changed in the last three months. We walked to one of the tables in silence and not making any eye contact. She sat opposite me.

''Well i have spoken to your doctor and she has told me everything that has happened on the other ward and why you have been brought here.''

I just looked at her i didn't know what to say to her and i was afraid of her shouting at me.

''Well spit it out, i wasn't to know your so called reasons behind it.''

She glared at me and it sent shivers down my spine.

''Um i don't know it just sort of happened.'' I tried to keep the tears from running down my face i did not want to show her how weak i was feeling.

''I know why its because you have been searching for attention. You get like this all the time, the doctor told me about a diagnosis of schizophrenia but i told her straight that you are nothing but a little attention seeking teenager who can't get her own way.''

Every word that came out of her mouth was dripping with hate. All i wanted to was shout and scream at her but i didn't want to be restrained by the staff i was making good progress that they were thinking of putting me in the main ward instead of going to max. I though i would try and change the conversation.

''H..how have you been these last few months done anything interesting?''

''Well with you gone we have managed to go on a little trip together that was nice. Um i don't know what else really ive been busy with work i got a promotion. Unlike some people we need to work to live, we don't hide behind a fake illness.''

I managed to keep the croak out of my voice when i spoke to her next.

''What do you mean we?''

''Me and Owen, who do you think i was on about?''

I could hear the anger building up in her voice again and i really wanted to dodge that if i could.

''I just thought-''

''What you thought i actually believed all those stories that you told about him. I told you your'e attention seeking, coming up with all sort of lies to make me look bad but it ain't going to work you rotten child and like i said i have told all of this to the doctor.''