Titanium ~A Bucky Barnes Love Story~

Chapter Ten

"You know I will," Caden said as Bucky started to collapse from emotion. Together, they slowly sunk to the floor, Bucky leaning on her for support.

"I don't want to be like this anymore," Bucky said quietly. "I just want to be normal. Why does this have to be my life? Dr. Stark, I don't want this to be my life. Help me, please."

"You don't deserve to have this life, Bucky. Nobody does. Nobody, no matter who they are, what they've done, deserves to suffer like this," Caden said as she cradled his head, her right hand brushing the hair out of his eyes every so often.

"Then why do I have it? I don't want it," he repeated, a single shudder wracking his body. "Take it from me, please."

"You know I would if I could, but even I can't erase your past," Caden said sadly, that oh so unnatural feeling of uselessness plaguing her mind.

Bucky said no more, not knowing how to answer. He knew that there was no way to escape from his past. He couldn't run away from it. No matter how hard he tried, how fast he ran, the Soldier would always be right behind him. It was useless to run, he knew that very well. He had to learn to accept that.

He also knew that Caden would do her best to help in any way that was humanly possible. He knew it, but, didn't it seem just a little too good to be true? Who would seriously waste their time on him? No, he didn't believe she would help him. He couldn't. It wasn't possible.

"Bucky, do you trust me?" Caden's simple question penetrated through Bucky's depressing thoughts. "Do you?" Her fingers weaving through his hair gave him chills as he lay there, his head resting on her chest, unable to answer her.

"I know you don't, not completely." it was as if she could read his thoughts. "Not right now at least. But you will, eventually. I promise."

Bucky couldn't take it anymore. Her voice, it was so eery, yet so... Reassuring. Like she knew it would get better. His head hurt, just from listening. It was as if her words had entered his mind and were fighting against his negative thoughts. As if they were proving to his mentally destroyed mind that everything would be alright again. Everything would be normal, one day.

"How do you know that? That I am capable of trusting someone?" He asked, suddenly jerking his head out of her embrace and standing up, facing away from her. "How can you be so sure of anything that concerns me?"

"Because I know you want to," Caden said, remaining seated, leaning up against her desk. "There's this thing I see in PTSD patients. It's not quite a spark, but it's more than just a little glimmer. That little... Whatever it is, it keeps them going, keeps them fighting. I've seen it in their eyes, and I can see it in yours. You might have yourself and everyone else convinced that you are broken well beyond repair, but your eyes, Bucky, they are alive."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means, that something inside of you, the old you, is still alive. And, Bucky, it's fighting to be seen. That's what I see in your eyes."

Bucky said nothing, knowing that Caden's calm demeanor and her special way with words was slowly aiding him in overcoming the evil that Hydra had branded into him.

"I want to tell you a story Buck," Caden continued. "And after this story, then I want you to answer my question, okay?"

Bucky didn't move a muscle.

"This is a story about a little girl, who lost everything and everyone she knew when she was only five years old. Slowly, over a course of twenty years, she rebuilt her life. She accepted help when offered, but not because she needed it. No, she accepted it because she trusted that she wouldn't be alone." Caden took a deep breath. "That little girl, Buck, she was me."