The Free Pass

Chapter 56

Mallory

"Maybe I should just leave so that we can each have space," I said, though leaving Shawn was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. I just didn't know that we could make it work.

Shawn just stared at me. After a few moments, he put Gracie in her bouncy seat and went to his bedroom. He emerged a bit later in sweats and a hoodie.

"I'm done," he said to me before he grabbed his keys off the counter and walked out the door.

What did he mean? Was he saying he was done with us? It sounded that way. I'd said I should leave and he said he was done. I sat there unsure of what to do. He hadn't said I shouldn't leave. Was he agreeing that it was for the best? Maybe he was. It sure felt like he was.

I got Gracie and brought her into our room and set her in the crib. I went to the closet and took out several suitcases. I packed clothing for each of us before going to the bathroom and gathering up all the cosmetic and care items we'd need. I wasn't sure how much to pack so I put in enough things for a week.

I went on my phone and searched for a local hotel. I needed to leave, but I couldn't go far. Running home to Virginia had crossed my mind, but we hadn't applied for a passport for Grace, yet. I was stuck in Canada until she had one. Not that I really wanted to take Grace that far from her daddy. This was about needing space, not punishing Shawn.

There were quite a few hotels nearby, so I picked one and called. It was called the Delta and the online description sounded nice. I requested a room and inquired about a crib. They could provide one, so I booked for the week.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed some snacks and drinks to bring with me. After I put them in a bag I realized that I had three bags to carry to the car, plus Gracie. I couldn't very well leave her in the condo alone while I loaded up the car, and I definitely couldn't handle the bags and her. Fuck.

The condo had a doorman. Couldn't I ask him? I called down to his desk and asked him nicely if he could help me with luggage since I was alone with the baby. He said he'd be right up.

When he arrived, he took all the bags while I took Gracie and her bouncy seat. We took the elevator down to the parking garage and walked to my car. I got Gracie in her car seat and the kind gentleman put my luggage in the trunk. I took money out of my wallet and tipped him.

"Thank you so much," I said.

I was sure he was wondering why Shawn wasn't helping me. It was rather strange that I was leaving while he apparently was not around.

"Have a safe trip, ma'am," he said as he left.

I programmed my GPS for the Delta hotel and made the short trip there. It was earlier than normal check-in, but I'd been assured on the phone that they could get me to a room. They were true to their word, and Gracie and I were soon in the spacious suite with the help of one of the staff members.

Gracie was hungry so I changed her diaper and fed her. I then put her down in the crib for her nap after cuddling her and telling her everything would be okay. Thank god she was such an agreeable baby and didn't mind the change of scenery at all.

I went to the bathroom and closed the door so that I wouldn't disturb her. Sitting down on the cold tile of the floor, I let out all the tears I'd been holding in since I'd made the decision to leave.

Jesus, I'd cried so much in the last 24 hours. I'd sobbed silently in bed for hours last night after our fight.

I hated leaving. It wasn't what I wanted. I loved Shawn so much, and I wanted us to be together. That's all I'd wanted since I'd first realized I was falling in love with him. Why was it so difficult? Every time things started to feel hopeful, it all fell apart.

As I cried, I started to doubt my decision to go to this hotel. Maybe Shawn wasn't agreeing with me when he got up and left. What if I'd read too much into his response? I was such an idiot sometimes. Ever since my coma, I'd been especially emotional and anxious. Was I letting that get the best of me?

I couldn't keep Grace from her daddy. I knew that. They loved each other too much. I'd have to talk to him and we'd have to figure all that out. There would be lawyers involved and official visitation agreements. And then what? Would I get an apartment?

Suddenly I was very overwhelmed. The thought of getting a place to live and setting it up with furniture and everything a person needs like dishes and linens made me slightly sick. It definitely wasn't what I wanted.

Oh god. I wanted to go home.

I stood up and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. I looked horrible. I hadn't showered today so I decided to do that while Grace continued to nap. After a long hot shower, I definitely physically felt a bit better, but mentally I was still upset about the choice I'd made. I knew I'd fucked up. I shouldn't have run away like that.

Back in the bedroom, I got dressed and sat on the bed. I heard my phone buzzing in my purse.

Shawn was calling. He left me a voicemail when I didn't answer.

"Honey, I know you're at the Delta. My credit card company sent me an alert for the charge. If you won't come home, can I come there to talk to you? Call me back."

He'd also texted me several times before calling.

Shawn: come home, Mal

Shawn: don't do this

Shawn: please

Gracie was still sleeping. She took two long naps each day, often two hours each. When she woke up, we'd go home. I packed everything up, though there wasn't much to do since I hadn't really unpacked yet.

An hour later, I walked in the condo with Gracie in my arms. She was all smiles and no worse for the wear after our stupid little adventure. I'd had an awkward conversation at the front desk of the hotel before we'd left. They charged me for the one night and then sent someone to get my bags from the room while the valet brought my car to the front.

"Shawn?" I called out. "I'm home."

I realized that I'd said it like maybe I was returning from a trip to Target or the grocery store and not like I'd just come back after almost leaving him and our marriage. How do you announce you're back after making a mistake?

I needed him to take Grace so I could get everything out of the car. I wasn't going to ask the doorman for help twice.

There was no response. He wasn't home.