The Free Pass

Chapter 65

Shawn

I heard Mallory crying as I left my studio. I'd been working on a song and was taking a break to get a coffee. I ran down the hall to see what was wrong.

When I walked in our room, it was horrible to see her almost hysterical on the bed. What could have happened to upset her like that? Had she just gotten bad news about a family member?

"Baby, calm down, just tell me what's wrong," I said as I held her. The more she cried without giving me any explanation, the more worried I got.

Finally she was able to talk.

"I need to tell you something," she said, her voice quavering.

"Okay. You can tell me anything, you know that."

She shook her head. "This is bad, Shawn. Really bad. You're going to hate me!"

My heart was beating rapidly, and I felt this terrible feeling of dread wash over me.

"Just tell me. I could never hate you."

"This morning I was talking to Vera and Kris. We were talking about how I used to get really drunk in college and pass out and forget things," she said.

"Are you upset you drank a lot last night? Don't be, Mal. You were fine," I said reassuringly.

"No, it's not that. Just listen. Okay?"

I nodded.

She continued. "They brought up a specific time I got drunk. It was before I met you senior year. Two weeks before." She paused for a second. "They told me I hooked up with someone that night."

I understood immediately what she was saying. I swear my heart stopped for several seconds.

"You told me there'd been no one for months before our hook-up," I said through gritted teeth. I could feel my blood pressure rising as I spoke.

Mallory started crying harder. "I didn't know. I honestly didn't remember. Shawn, I would never lie to you intentionally!"

I got off the bed and walked to the window.

"So Gracie might not be mine? Is that what you're telling me?"

My breathing was short and I felt close to hyperventilating.

My wife took a second to respond because she was crying so hard. "It's possible. I-I just don't know."

I was on the verge of losing it completely.

"So you made a habit of having drunken unprotected sex?!" I yelled.

I turned back to her and saw that she was shaking on the bed. I shouldn't have said that, it was cruel and hypocritical, but I was definitely losing control over my emotions.

"I-I really haven't had that many partners. And I don't know if we used protection that night. I don't remember anything."

"I trusted you completely! Whether you did it on purpose or not, you fucking deceived me! My entire life changed direction because I was convinced you were having my baby!" I screamed.

I had so much anger inside me. Never had I felt like this before. I felt like a volcano on the verge of erupting. I had to release some of this temper; I had to hit something. I looked at the wall to my right and pulled my hand back and punched it. My fist went through the drywall and hit a stud.

Motherfucker.

I'd hurt it badly. I cradled my injured hand in my good one and just stared at the blood that was oozing out of my knuckles.