Finding Sam (Featured)

Chapter 37 - Certain Truths

I stared at Erik, the memory of Serena's sobs filling my ears as if she had just said those words to me.

He's never forgiven me for what happened. He holds me responsible for losing our baby.

"What do you mean, what baby?" I asked. "The baby you and Serena lost in Cabo - the reason why she tried to kill herself there. She said that you never forgave her for losing the baby. She said it's the reason why you broke up with her."

I had spoken so fast that my words spilled out of me in a panicked mess, a mess that I hoped Erik understood. My heart was pounding inside my chest, my pulse thundering between my temples. Even my arm throbbed in pain as I spoke, but I ignored the pain then, wanting only to know the truth, no matter how awful.

Erik was quiet for a few minutes, his eyes growing distant as if he was trying to remember the time I was referring to. Of course he had to remember Cabo, I thought. Three years may seem like a long time to many with moments easily forgotten, but certainly not when it involved someone trying to end their life because of you - not when that person kept reminding you of it.

"And you believe her?" Erik asked, frustration evident in his voice.

"You've never talked about Cabo at all," I said. "And when I finally hear about it, first from Olivia who tells me that she only learned about it two days ago from you, and then from Serena, who tells me that you dumped her after she lost your baby - what am I supposed to do? You could have told me about it sooner instead of stalling about it all this time."

"Me? Stalling?" Erik's jaw tightened. "Maybe the word trust is just too difficult for you to handle right now, Sam, but what if I were to tell you that the only reason you never heard about Cabo is because it didn't happen that way? That there was no baby involved? No pregnancy or anything close to it, as far as I know? Who would you believe then?"

I paused, mulling over his words.  "I just want to know what happened - from you."

"I don't know what Serena told you, but I swear to you - I swear - I know nothing about a baby. And if she ever did miscarry during that trip, the last thing I would have done was to break up with her because of that."

"Why did you break up with her?"

Erik was silent for a few moments, as if choosing his words carefully. I wondered if I'd just ventured into a place that I had no business being in. After all, it wasn't like I was open with my past to Erik at all.

"Have you ever had that feeling that you're never going to make that person happy, no matter how hard you try to fit yourself into the mold they've already carved out for you?" Erik asked.

I swallowed nervously, knowing all too well that he had just described my relationship with David, asking the same question I had asked myself when nothing I did made him happy.

"After almost five years with Serena, after all the things we'd been through, she still couldn't accept me for who I was. It was always the same old shit, different day. As long as I chose to treat drug addicts, prostitutes or the poor, she believed that I was never going to achieve my fullest potential as a doctor. Even worse, as a man, in her eyes. How could I love someone who couldn't even see me as a man worthy of her approval just because I didn't want to join her in her practice? Just because I didn't care about making seven - eight - figures a year?"

He was shaking his head as he spoke, looking straight ahead at the toolbox that was pushed against the back wall of his garage, right next to the washer and dryer.

"It's true we went to Cabo.  It's one of the places we loved to go because it was close enough without being too far.  And even though things weren't working out for us, the last thing I wanted to do in the middle of a vacation was break up with her," Erik continued.  "But after another argument over the same old thing - about why I refused to give up my little cash-only practice and join her so together we could have the most successful cosmetic surgery practice in Beverly Hills - I couldn't take it anymore.  After I told her we were over, I tried to get us out of Cabo. After all, there was no reason for us to stay any longer, not when we'd broken up. There was also a hurricane heading our way."