Broken ~ Bucky Barnes

~Chapter 4 - Monster~

A/N: I highly recommend you listen to the song Monster by Imagine Dragons while reading this chapter, I based some of the things from the lyrics of that song.
WARNING: mentions of suicide, torture, depressing thoughts.
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Ever since I could remember,
Everything inside of me
Just wanted to fit in.

Calypso, all her life, just wanted to be normal, well ever since her parents ditched her. She just wanted to fit in the right spot meant for her. Just that one place where she was supposed to be.
But she never found that spot.

I was never one for pretenders,
Everything I tried to be,
Just wouldn't settle in.

She has tried many things in her 18 years of life. She was tortured, had a new family, then all of a sudden became an Avenger. But even through all of that, she doesn't feel like she's at her place. Like she's in the right spot of her life. She didn't fit in anywhere. She was beginning to think that. Beginning to think that there is no special spot for her.

If I told you what I was,
Would you turn your back on me?
And if I seem dangerous, would you be scared?

She wanted to explain to Bucky, to whom she had developed feelings she has never felt for anyone else in Asgard to. She was afraid if she told him, or any of the other avengers at the matter about what really happened to her, and not what some computer system told them about, that they would lock her up. They would torture her to get information about HYDRA.

I get the feeling just because,
Everything I tout he isn't dark enough,
If this problem lies in me?

She somehow always found a way to make things worse. To screw it all up. To not follow the rules. If she had followed the rules, she probably wouldn't have gotten taken by HYDRA.

I'm only a man with a chamber who's got me,
I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me,
A monster, a monster, I've turned into a monster.

Every since HYDRA she has never been the same. She has become something that wasn't the old Calypso. Something almost inhuman. Kind of like Bucky. Except not fully like Bucky. Very different, yet so alike.

Can I clear my conscience,
If I'm different from the rest?
Do I have to run and hide?

Running, she was running for a long time before the avengers. Running because she was so different from all the other kids in Asgard, or on earth. But weren't they all?

I never said that I want this,
This burden came to me,
And it's made its home inside.

It's too late to get rid of that dark side, that side that just wants to kill, to murder and destroy. It's far too late to get rid of it, so the only choice left for Calypso is to tame it. To not let it get out of its cage, deep down inside her.

She sat her legs in her chest, her arms wrapped around her knees, dress half ripped and tears staining her cheeks.
While her time in HYDRA she was taught to never cry, never show any true emotion. To stay stone cold. But she wasn't with them anymore and she didn't care. She was a sensitive person. She couldn't help it. She couldn't not cry.
A knock on her door was heard. She kept silent.

"Can I come in, doll?" Bucky's voice calls. A small smile crept her lips at the forties pet name he had given her. But that smile fades away once reality settles in once more. The tears start again. She stood on her shaky legs. She was bare feet. Once she walked into her room, she threw her shoes somewhere. She didn't really know where. She hesitates but opens the door. She sees Bucky standing there, in his white button up shirt and suit pants.
"Hey, doll." He says softly. She shakes her head.

"Why are you here?" She asks shaking her head once more. Bucky looks at her.

"Because..what happened earlier was not your fault. He shouldn't have grabbed you like that. It was intense." He says. Calypso let's another tear slip.

"No..no Bucky..don't try to define my actions.." she says. Bucky looks at her, slowly approaching her and shutting the door.

"Calypso..it is not your fault. If anyone else was in your position they would've reacted the same way. They all would've." He says slowly grabbing her left hand with his flesh one. She looks down to her bare feet.

"No..Buck..I'm a monster..HYDRA..they planted a burden on me, and it's made its home inside..I can't get rid of it..no one can..it will always be there..and..and it'll never go away." She says starting to cry. Her necklace starts to glow once more. And all of a sudden, she felt memories rush through her head. Not her memories, someone else's memories. Feelings of the memories. A sixteen year old boy in Brooklyn. Two sixteen year olds in Brooklyn. The inseparable duo. But there's more to it. One enlisted into the military, the other tried but failed several times because of his health condition and issues. And so was injected with a serum to become more strong and powerful, and so Captain America was born.
Bucky died. At least he thought he did. Until the torture sessions began and he lost his memories. Calypso felt the pain Bucky went through because of HYDRA and felt the sadness and emptiness he felt inside. The source of this emotion flood was from their intertwined fingers. She can't explain how it happened, but it did. She opens her eyes and quickly releases her hand from him, tears staining her cheeks once more.
"Bucky..you..they hurt you so badly.." she says softly. Bucky shakes his head and pulls her into his embrace. "I'm so sorry..I sounded so selfish.."

"Don't think about that..think about this..about me holding you..being happy because I have my partner in crime with me right now..just think about this not the sad memories." He whispers to her.
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HEY IM SO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED! School has been a bitch. And I'm about to have finals so legit all my time has been put to studying my ass off! Anyway I hope you enjoyed the chapter! And yeahhhhh! OH! Also I won't be following like the marvel story line..like the exact time and way everything happened but some events from the movies will come up and will happen like INFINITY WAR AHEM AND CIVIL WAR AND ALL ANYWAYYYSSSS! Just stay tuned cause I have a lot planned!!!!!
Love youzzzzz!!
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