The Way The World Ends ✓

Chapter 3. Nate

~

As wind in dry grass

Or rats' feet over broken glass

In our dry cellar

~

He walked away, pushing outward a façade of carelessness, but inside, he was seething. How could he have slipped up like that? He had been so nervous while talking to her that he had completely forgotten the one hometown story everyone knew. Damn it, he thought. He wished desperately that he could control the words that just started to stumble out of his mouth, but it was like his internal filter didn't function correctly. Whatever made other people think before they spoke just wasn't active in him. He blamed his A.D.H.D., but he wasn't completely sure if there wasn't something just plain wrong with him.

He hadn't put two and two together like he should have. He didn't realize the cute girl he served at the coffee shop and secretly glanced at in English class was the same Indigo. Obviously, he should have made the connection, because how many people did he know of named Indigo? While he could solve complex math problems and make connections no one else could see, he always seemed to skip over the obvious. Unfortunately, that meant his grades usually undercut his real understanding.

His heart sank a little in his chest when he thought about what Indigo must have thought of him. After a slip up like that was there any coming back? And that stupid attempt at a joke? Why did carrier pigeons just pop into his head? He tried to play off her obvious dislike of him, but he couldn't help but feel disappointed. Although did he really think she would consider him at all for anything? Even as a project partner?

Sometimes he just wanted to shout at himself to shut up, even in his head. He ran his left thumb over the finger pads on the same hand in rapid succession, a little jumpy after the encounter. He couldn't tell if he was excited to have finally talked to her or if he had forgotten to take his medicine this morning. He was pretty sure he had taken it. He was pretty focused all day until English class, which was always a struggle for him, but maybe it was because Indigo came in looking all flushed and he spent too much time wondering if she was okay and what happened and how pretty she looked with her rosy cheeks and bright green eyes. He could get lost in them, they were so enticing. She was beautiful.

Of course, he didn't think he could ever have a shot with her. She was smart, pretty, somehow had everything together despite her situation, and overall seemed perfect. He wished he could be like her. She lost double the parents he had, and his mom wasn't even dead. She just left, and he thought it was probably his fault. He was an accident. She never wanted children. One day she was there, sitting in the living room with the dog on her lap and her nose in a book and the next day she simply wasn't there anymore. He was five. He didn't know any better than to blame himself, and he still blamed himself to the day. He should have been a better kid.

He hung back in the parking lot when he saw Indigo climbing into her car. He wanted to avoid another awkward encounter with her, especially if she was pissed off at him for his usual amount of idiotic remarks. He didn't know if he could take a sour look on her face if she saw him. It would crack his already fragile heart. He was sensitive.

Unlike his other teammates, Nate always felt in touch with his emotions beyond a slap on the ass in consolidation. Now in his senior year of high school, this was year four on the varsity track team. He always loved to run; he loved to let loose and run until his eyes watered and his lungs ached to the point of euphoria. When he was younger he ran away from his problems until he forgot what they were. That's the only reason he was on the team in the first place: running away from a problem. One afternoon his freshman year he let his mouth run to a couple of juniors who decided the best course of action would be to beat the crap out of him. However, they would have had to catch him first. He took off in the other direction without looking back, wanting to just run and run until the problem was left far behind. Out of pure luck, the other direction happened to be over the football field where the track coach was getting ready for practice. He saw Nate run his heart out away from two of the team's members, whom he left in the dust. That gangly freshman could outrun the school's state champion.