The Way The World Ends ✓

Chapter 9. Nate

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More distant and more solemn

Than a fading star.

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         He felt like such a fool. He didn't know why he was pushing her so hard to spill her guts, but he just couldn't stop the words coming out of his mouth. Unfortunate side-effect of his nervousness. As he walked with her to the library, he kept running his thumb over the pads of his fingers. It was a nervous tick of his. He wanted to do something with his hands because they were itching to move instead of staying still at his sides, but he didn't have anything to fiddle with in his pockets, not even a paperclip. Plus, he didn't want Indigo to think he was weird. If it was up to him, he would have rather taken her hand as something to occupy his energy, but he couldn't. There was no way he was going to scare her away when he had so much to look forward to if everything worked the way he wanted.

Ever since she started coming to the coffee shop he knew that he would eventually ask her out on a date. He didn't know when or where or how, but he knew that he needed to give it a shot. He wouldn't forgive himself if he didn't take a chance. There were so many missed opportunities in his life, from believing he was the cause of his mother's abandonment to feeling inhibited by his impulsivity, that he didn't want to miss out on anything more. He was going to take control of his own life for once.

However, that was a lot easier said than done for him.

When he sat down with Indigo on the couch, he tried his hardest to focus on their project. He knew she was one of those girls who was probably used to doing everything herself, so he had to prove to her that he could help. He wanted to take this God given opportunity to get to know her better. He was determined to try his damnedest for her. To show her that he was a good guy and that she could trust him.

After sitting in the library for maybe fifteen minutes, things took a turn for Nate. She was finally starting to open up, but his walls went skyrocketing. After he was finally getting somewhere with her, his insecurities invaded his thoughts. He didn't know how she was so strong after everything that had happened to her. She had an outlook on life that seemed so positive in comparison to his own nearly defeated one. Usually, he tried to push forward a positive air to try and fool himself and others around him, but it didn't always work. So, he decided to let her see an honest part of him.

"People can be asses," he stated seriously, looking up from his hands to meet her green eyes.

He couldn't force himself to break away from her gaze. Her eyes were so honest. Even though she was guarded, it was like her eyes were completely open to him. She was delicate, yet strong. Like she was encased in a hard shell with nothing to protect her on the inside. In that moment, he wanted to reach for her, but he didn't dare. It wasn't time yet. He had to wait for her and give her the time she needed to accept that he wasn't going to hurt her.

She broke away after a few seconds when the bell rang, spilling everything onto the floor. He crouched down and tried to help her gather her things, but she moved like she had seen a ghost. She stuffed everything in her bag and whispered quiet thanks before darting out of the library. He watched her go, his heart breaking a little bit. What did he do wrong? Did he say something? He desperately wanted to run after her, but he knew that if he did, she would probably just push him away. The only way to get close was to distance himself.

He shook his head at himself and gathered his things. He felt deflated inside, like he was completely hollow. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration before moping down the hall, wondering where she went. If he saw her he wouldn't be able to help but run to her and ask what happened, but he wasn't going to try and look for her if she didn't want to be found. Sometimes people just needed to be alone. He certainly understood that. That's all he wanted to do right now.