The Way The World Ends ✓

Chapter 35. Indigo

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For Thine is the Kingdom

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Mondays are awful. I could already tell that this day was going down in history as one of the horrible, need-to-forget days. Nate and I walked down the hallway, as usual, still bleary-eyed and yawning from getting up much too early for school, and I went to stop at my locker. Totally normal. Well, it was until I saw the spray paint. It took me a moment to comprehend because my mind refused to believe it was my locker at first. But I glanced at the number and it was confirmed by the sinking feeling in my stomach. In red spray paint was SLUT! written in all caps. There was no doubt in my mind who had done it.

It was early enough that there weren't a ton of people, but there was already a small crowd forming around my locker as well as people who slowed to watch. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. The tears wouldn't come. Instead, I just froze there, and people looked at me and my locker, putting two and two together. There was a lot of mumbling that I tried to tune out, but I did hear the same word that was written on my locker a few times. I managed to glance over at Nate, who was struggling desperately to stay calm. He was seething. His fists were balled, but there was no one to fight. His face was slightly pink, and I couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or rage. Probably both. His ears were bright red, definitely from embarrassment. He met my eyes and opened his mouth to speak, then shut it, unsure of what to say. My lower lip trembled, and his gaze softened, some of the anger dissipating when he saw that I needed him right now.

"Come on." He whispered through clenched teeth. "Let's get away from here."

He grasped my hand and led me away from the crowd. Unfortunately, we passed Callie and two other girls who were just a little further down the hall, watching us and sniggering openly at the two of us.

"Aww, poor thing, looks like someone finally called you out for what you were." She purred when we walked within range of her toxin. I saw the girl to her left was holding a can of red spray paint. Not very subtle.

Nate pulled me past them, and I was grateful for that because I was either going to start punching them or break down into tears. Neither was a great option.

"Oh, and Nate, sweetie?" She continued. He tensed and slowed, but we kept walking. "Let me know if you want to trade up for a better model. You're not completely hopeless."

I could tell that Nate really wanted to hit something. Unfortunately, there was nothing for him to hit. This was a different kind of fight. Eventually, he pulled me into an empty classroom, unsure of where else to go. He let go of my hand and slammed his own on the teacher's desk with a disgusted, "Ugh! I'm just— Damn it!" He put his hands on his head, grabbing fistfuls of his hair. he walked to the window and looked outside, his back turned to me. He didn't want me to see how angry he was. I saw him take in a deep breath; then two more. "Sorry." He continued his voice more even than it was before. "I didn't mean to get that mad. Jesus, how do you fight that? How do we stop all of this?" His voice grew softer, "I just... I wish I could just make it all better for you."

He was still facing away from me, staring out the window. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist to comfort him as well as me. "There's nothing you can do. This is the way the world is."

"I wish I could protect you from it," he mumbled, placing his hands on top of mine. "I wish I could somehow make it all go away."

"It's just part of high schools. You torture or are tortured. I'm used to it," I admitted, somewhat defeated.

"I don't want to have to leave you here for another year by yourself. I wish I could take you with me." He sighed, turning around so he could embrace me.

"I'll be okay. You've already helped me enough that I think I'll be okay on my own next year. The old part of my life where I was scared and alone ended. That whole world of uncontrollable fear ended. It's still there, but I can control it more now. As time goes on, I'll be able to control it more." I didn't realize I was crying until just then. "I'm worried you're not going to be okay with me," I joked through mild tears.

"Enough about me. How are you holding up? That was awful. I don't blame you if you want me to just take you home." He kissed the crown of my head.

"No. If I leave it'll just be worse. Better to pretend that it didn't happen and move on. I wouldn't have said that a few months ago, but I've realized it's just best to keep moving. Thanks, though."

He hugged me tighter and I sighed, burying my face in his chest. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "If I could fix it all for you, I would."

"I know," I whispered, hugging him back.

~

After that incident, the rest of the week was surprisingly smooth. Not much from Callie and her crew besides the occasional jabs at my weight or my alleged slutty-ness (yes, I'm the slut because I have sex with my boyfriend of seven months whom I love dearly as opposed to whatever they do on the weekends (that was rude, but it's in my head, at least I don't say it to them out loud)). I decided I would try and go dress shopping again, but maybe at a time when no one else would be there. That's how I ended up at the mall at eight A.M. Saturday morning when I knew my chances of seeing someone I knew—or anyone really—were slim to none.

I was in and out in fifteen minutes. I don't know how people spent so much time making one simple decision or managed to spend that much money on one night. I'm a simple girl, and hopefully, Nate liked me that way. I grabbed the first blue dress I could find and, seeing that it fit alright, bought it. Done and done.

So, I was back home by nine and had nothing to do except sit around and avoid working on homework. It was that odd time after spring break nearing the end of the year but not near enough that I would start studying for Finals yet. I guess that's why Prom is so exciting for most people. For me, it was a daunting thought. What if I freaked out right in the middle? Or at the beginning? Or the end? There would be a lot of noise, a lot of people, fanciness, food, and of course the dance being at night, darkness. Lots of adrenaline. If there were only one of these things present, I knew I could handle it now with my new take on the world. But all of them together... it was a gamble. But I would do it for Nate. I knew he wanted to go.

I rolled over on the couch and almost fell off, sending a jolt through my body when I felt that free-falling sensation for half a second. I caught myself before I tumbled onto the floor, but barely. My heart raced, and I tried to soothe myself by breathing in deep. I felt defeated at that moment. If almost falling off of the couch made panic course through my body, then what would this dance do? I quickly shoved the thoughts out of my mind when I readjusted myself on the couch. I was fine now, wasn't I? I said to myself, feeling my heartbeat slow. If I got panicky, I knew I could recover. I was in control. I could catch myself when I fell.

I am strong. I am brave. I am Indigo Clarke.

HG

only three more chapters left :)

I would like you all to take a moment to remember all of the fictional characters who have died tragically. No spoilers, but one of my dear fictional friends passed away in the most recent book. He was a brave soul who died for his friends. I was a lonely kid growing up, so fictional characters were the ones who were always there for me. When I lose one of them I get very sad because they are such a huge part of my life and are so important to me. So take a moment today to reflect on the fictional characters most important to you and remember why you love them. 

On a lighter note, the next update will be tomorrow or the next day. It's the last Nate chapter up next!

Vote, comment, and add please! 

I would really love it if everyone commented their favorite fictional character that is the most important to them <3.