Us Against The World ｡ Peter Parker [2]

50 - Chasing Cars

"What's on your mind, Florence?"

I had been asked that very same question once a week for almost a month and it always left my stomach in knots. I always felt like a burden sharing what was truly on my mind. Maybe it was a deep underlying fear that my loved ones didn't care or maybe there was something wrong with me for having an overwhelming amount of emotions and painful turmoil.  Maybe it was simply because I feared that if I opened my heart to somebody, that everything terrible and unfair that had happened in the past would break me just a little bit more. 

But that wasn't the case with Dr. Elsie Potters. She was kind and warm hearted and even when her pen jotted against her notepad, it didn't intimidate me like it usually might have. Elsie was quite young for a therapist, but she had a strange air about her, almost like the look in her eyes suggested she had been through a great deal of hardship, but had come out the other end with so much pride. When she smiled, encouraging me to open up to her, it actually made me feel safe and determined to heal the scars left on my mind from pervious heartache. 

"This was week was actually pretty good," I started softly, looking down at my hands in my lap. I had been seeing Dr. Elsie Potters for weeks now and sometimes it felt so much easier to speak with her than my friends, which was strange since they were dealing with the very same grief that echoed in my heart. "I aced my English term paper and my parents are taking me to visit my aunt in New Jersey over the weekend. It's a family thing, but it should be alright. I don't see a lot of my extended family...so it will be a nice change, you know?"

Elsie jotted something down. "That's very good. I know it's been hard trying to bring your grades back up to your standard with everything. How is everything with school lately?"

That was a loaded question. Even though I generally liked Elsie and knew she didn't have any intentions of trying to hurt me, or get into my mind, she was very good at dancing around the questions she truly wanted to ask. "School is...different. I know it's not been very long, but it's hard not having her around. I'm so used to seeing her at the lunch table and sitting with her in class. Yesterday, I heard this insane and stupid rumour about a girl in the lower grade, nothing cruel, just funny and I went to turn to Gwen, because she loved stupid gossip, but she wasn't there and, well, that really sucked."

"Losing somebody very close to you can be extremely hard," Elsie pointed out softly, every single word falling from her lips pinpointed to helping me. "It takes time to mend, to get through the grief which you know all about. You're doing really great."

My bones felt stiff in my skin, my heart suddenly growing heavy. "Am I really doing good? Because I feel terrible sometimes about having a good moment, like acing a pop quiz or getting to see Peter just smile at me once during class when we're not partnered together. I feel terrible about trying to move on. I feel terrible about not visiting Harry yet and...it's a lot to deal with and I don't even think I'm doing a decent job."

Elsie lowered her notepad and leaned forward, her elbows propped onto her knees. "I'll let you in on a tiny secret, okay? Times heals all wounds. That sounds cheesy, but it's true. You're not going to magically wake up one morning and be happy. The world won't be less scary. The hurt inside your heart won't just fade away so quickly. It's a slow process. It's baby steps, Florence. You're doing good. Trust me."

I managed a half smile. "Baby steps, huh? That sounds familiar."

She nodded her head. "Why don't we just start small. Something easy. Why not go visit Harry, Florence? I am very sure he needs comfort right now too. Speaking with him after everything, it may help with the grieving process."

"Okay," I chewed at my bottom lip. "But if that backfires, I'm totally blaming you."

A tiny laugh sounded from my therapist's lips. "I can handle that."