Free to Love

Chapter 20

Shawn

Dr. Thomas left us alone in his office while we got ourselves together enough to make the short drive home. I was the more hysterical one, since I felt like Mallory had been given a death sentence. I just couldn't accept that. I'd always known how serious her cancer was, but I wasn't ready to hear the word terminal.

We made it home. Mallory's parents were there watching the kids. They took one look at us and both of them knew. Jean excused herself and ran down the hall to their bedroom.

"I'm going to lay down," Mal said. "Shawn, maybe you could call your family and see if they could come by tonight, preferably after the kids go to bed. We need to sit down together."

"Of course. Anything you want," I said.

She went to our bedroom and shut the door.

Parker turned to me. He needed me to confirm his fears, but there were two small children in the room. Wordlessly, I shook my head. That told him all he needed to know. He nodded and returned his focus to Nolan.

Later that night, once Grace and Nolan were tucked in, we sat down in the living room with our families. Mallory sat by my side, holding my shaking hand.

"I know you already figured out the news was not good today. The cancer did not respond to the aggressive treatment the way we wanted it to. In fact, it's spread to my bones. It appears to be terminal," Mal said, her voice surprisingly strong.

Jean started weeping as Parker hid his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. My mom got up and sat on Jean's other side and they cried together as my dad comforted Aaliyah.

"Surely there's something else. Maybe an experimental drug?" Parker asked.

"I'm too weak from the chemo to do anything right now. Maybe if I have time, we could try something. Dr. Thomas did not sound hopeful," Mal said.

"Then let's get a second opinion!" her dad said.

Mallory shook her head. "I'm going to take some time to try to get my energy back. I'm seeing Dr. Thomas again in two days to work on pain management since I'm having trouble with that right now. I trust him. I need you to trust my judgement. Believe me. I would do anything possible to live."

I could feel my breath starting to get short. A panic attack was coming on fast.

Mal sensed this and turned to me. "Shawn, it's okay. Just breathe."

I concentrated on short shallow breaths until I got the feeling to subside. "I'm sorry," I said under my breath.

Mal leaned over and kissed me. "No apologies."

"What can we do?" my dad asked. "You name it, and we'll be here to support you."

"Thank you, Manny. I do need some things from all of you. Some of it might be hard. Just hear me out." She then took a deep breath before continuing. "I want to spend as much time with Shawn and my children as I can. I'm not trying to shut anyone else out, but for the next few weeks, I'd like for us to have time alone, other than when I need to go to the doctor."

She turned to her parents. "I want you to go home to try to resume your lives. I can't have you living here waiting for me to die. I promise that when things get bad, we'll let you know so you can come. I love you both so much, but I think this is best."

Parker nodded and took hold of Jean's hand. "We'll do whatever you want, sweetheart."

"I need everyone here to promise me that when the time comes, you'll support each other. I have to know that you'll pull one another out of the darkness. Gracie and Nolan need that. They'll be fine as long as the adults around them are there for each other."