Recovery // Seth Rollins

9

My shoulders felt slightly lighter, but my biggest fear was yet to be faced. Somewhere in the back of my mind I feared everyone on the roster finding out about my past. In life, you have most things, those little details that you forever want to keep to yourself. You fear people's reactions, and question how they'll treat you. To another person, my past probably didn't seem that much dramatic or one that needed to be hidden. I wasn't ashamed that I worked in a strip club, it was something I was up front and honest about. Something Nathaniel hated. I only worked in the bar, so it wasn't anything special. My depression and abusive ex boyfriend was another story. Some would call me brave for leaving, some would call me weak for not leaving earlier. Some might say that having depression makes me normal, and some may say I belong in a asylum.

I finally told Colby, and I don't feel as relieved as I thought I might have. Instead of being relived and not keeping the pain to myself, I'm more worried he'll tell Dean or Roman. Trust is a hard word for me. I block people out, I make them not want to be near me. I make people hate me, not want to be near me because I'm boring.

Colby changed that. I trusted him from the start, and it scared me. I didn't know what to do because I trusted him so much and I didn't know him. He made me feel complete when I had been empty for so long. Colby and I would soon only have five weeks left together, and I didn't want it to end. I was scared as to how I would feel when everything was over. When Colby had gone back to America, and I had gone home to finish my degree. I also wondered how Colby and I's little relationship may affect my degree. Was it against the rules? Did I even have any rules apart from don't kill anyone, and conduct myself within the codes and standards of practice?

I opened my eyes from my consuming thoughts, the bright fluorescent lighting shining above me. I felt like a patient for once. I angled me head down and watched JJ, the tattooist run the needle back and forth over my skin. There was something about the slight pain of getting tattoos that I enjoyed. Maybe it was because the pain made me feel and remember I'm alive. I had numerous tattoos already, all with some meaning. My first tattoo was the french word for darkness, obscurité on my wrist. I got it when I first turned 18, a symbol that I would move on. Although the night just got darker as I got older. Many other small tattoos littered my body, one that Colby had surprisingly not seen. Several self inflicted scars sat above my jagged scar from the broken bottle. Colby hadn't noticed the cursive words above them, 'it's not over yet'. I smiled as the black rose on my forearm was finished. The boys were somewhere, doing god knows what. I took an extra long half hour 'toilet break' to get my new ink.

Today, crew and the ring we're starting to make their way to the next destination for next weeks shows. The ring could take anywhere from 2-4 days to build and tech guys spend hours upon hours on the screens and effects. This afternoon was full of interviews and promos for the boys, as was tomorrow before flying out to Adelaide Sunday. After getting my arm wrapped up and paying, I headed up one of the main streets in hoping to find the boys. I did not take long at all. I found all three boys outside Starbucks on swanson street, arguing about who did a better job in their last tag match.

"If I didn't jump on him he would have pinned you!" Dean argued rather loudly at an annoyed looking Roman.

"And if I hadn't have speared the stupid looking idiot, you would have been down and got pinned" Roman argued back with folded arms.

Colby jumped in, fed up with the arguing. "Guys, guys, it doesn't matter! If Dean hadn't have tagged me in, I wouldn't have stomped on Cesaro's head and won the match for us" he said, in a more calm tone.

"Yeah right" Dean grumbled before angrily drinking from his coffee cup.

I decided that now was the best time to make myself known as they boys were getting a lot of unwanted attention. "Hey guys" I beamed at them, sitting next to Colby. Colby leant over and kissed my check, lingering for what felt like a year.