You're okay now sweetheart {bts gang au}

Chapter 3 ~ Can't forget

Thank you to the people who commented on the last chapter. I really appreciate the feedback💞 Also sorry for not posting last week, I was feeling really ill all week.
*TRIGGER WARNING*
Contains self-harm and attempted suicide. Do not read this chapter if you are triggered by that! <3
Enjoy!

Yoongi's POV

The sunlight coming through the curtains in the living room wakes me. Kookie is hugging me with a death grip. I would snuggle into him and go back to sleep but I really need to go toilet. Carefully moving his arm off me, I roll off the couch onto the floor. I make a quiet thump but nobody else seems to be awake yet. I pad lightly to the bathroom, keeping as quiet as possible.

...

I wash my hands. Drying my hands, I stare at myself in the mirror. I sigh to myself. The hand towel drops to the floor as I look closer at myself. Everything is wrong with me. Why am I so ugly? Suddenly a thought strikes me.

Why have they taken me in? They surely don't think i'm attractive. Ah- suddenly it hits me. Pity. That might explain it. I'm probably just a burden to them, how very selfish of me. A waste of space is all I am to them.

Nobody would ever love me. It's all I've heard for the past few years of my life so why would I believe anything else. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a razor. I shouldn't succumb to the temptation. That habit was cured when I was kicked out.

My hand reaches for it and I don't even realise I'm holding it to my arm until I cut. Blood droplets roll down my arm as I start to think back.

I see flashes of men. I don't know their names but I can remember looking up from my knees at them. I  close my eyes harshly, trying to stop the images. That only made it worse. I see one person in particular. I remember the way he hurt me. How I couldn't stop him. He took my virginity. The pictures build up in my mind and I can's stop it. ''Helpless little whore''

I'm not strong enough to stop anything. ''Weak''.

My chest feels heavy. He makes me choke on him. My throat constricts. He wraps his hand round my neck. I can't breathe. He pulls down my pants.

I snap my eyes open. I am shaking but I know I need to calm down my breathing but I can't. I feel the urge to run but you can't run form something inside of your head.

I clutch at my hair, which helps keep me in reality. My breathing is shaky still. My knees feel like there going to buckle so I slide down the wall onto the floor. No tears come but it feels like i'm drowning. I put my head on my knees as I hug them.
I don't know how long I stay there but to me it feels like hours. It felt like I was dying and maybe I wished I was.

It's finally over. I lift my head from my knees. I honestly feel like crying but that would be useless. I've cried a lifetime of tears in the past and it didn't help with forgetting. I don't think this is something that can be forgotten.

Maybe i'm being stupid, maybe they do really mean what they say. It doesn't seem that way to me though. Trust is a very dangerous thing and I gave it to them without good reason. That was foolish of me. This is it. I need to go. Not just for my sake but for theirs. I will remember the kindness they showed me. Those 6 boys have got my trust but I need to break their trust in me. I'm not worth anything to them, i would be a nuisance to them if i stayed, and i wouldn't want to be a nuisance...

Taehyungs POV

I wake up and yawn. I close my eyes again and feel for Yoongi, but he's not there. I furrow my brows and sit up properly. I rub my eyes and look round to see if he's moved. A note lays on the table. I gulp, and i shake the rest of the guys up. The small piece of paper scares me more then any person we've killed ever has. We all wake up much faster than usual. My hand reaches for the note and i read it aloud.