FlyGirl - The First Edition

Chapter 39: The Feels

SO I WAS officially a nark.

Crap.

I didn't know how to feel about that. On the positive side, now I knew I was going to make it through flight attendant training.

On the other hand, narks get killed. A lot.

To distract me, I texted Alex. Are you home yet?

No. Tonight.

Are you still mad?

We'll talk in person.

I'll take that as a yes. Is that a yes or no?

It's a 'we'll talk in person.'

Double crap. I texted a row of question marks, followed by Do you still love me?

I always love you, Siobhan, he texted back. Always and forever.

That made me feel a little better.

When I got home, I nibbled a little dinner before wandering from floor to floor. What to do, what to do? I tried to exercise. Spent a few minutes on the Elliptical, and considered swimming laps, but it was wet... so I went back to the kitchen. I considered making cookies, but then, no. Upstairs to the den, the office, the library, the dressing area, master bedroom, guest bedrooms, more rooms. I felt stifled, trapped, bored, sad; I don't know... I didn't know what to do.

I looked at Useless, who never left my side. "How do I feel?"

He licked my hand. A sweet gesture with no real meaning. I patted his head and stretched out on a window seat. The night was gross, all windy and kind of snowy. I reached behind me, found a cashmere throw and wrapped myself in it. Useless jumped up and curled around my feet. Vaguely, I thought about lighting the fireplace. But then, I'd have to get up.

I could call Donnelly, but he was engaged and not my handler. All he'd say was suck it up.

What about Jack?

Jack. I hadn't thought about him in years.

His real name was John Joseph McIver, but everyone called him Jack. My righteous brother, the one who got kicked out, the Federal Prosecutor.

I'd always liked Jack. He always looked out for me when nobody else did. At least, until he left. I hadn't seen him since before Daddy died.

Time for a Hail Mary. I didn't have a home number, so I called his office. An automatic phone system directed me to his call.

To my surprise, he answered, his voice painfully weary. "Jack McIver speaking."

"Jack? It's Siobhan."

It was quiet for a minute. "Jack? You still there?"

"I am. I'm just... I've missed you, little sister."

I burst into tears.

"Siobhan, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" He sounded panicked. "Are you hurt? Did Cosetino hurt you? Where are you?"

"I'm okay, Jack," I answered, wiping my face. "I'm fine. I'm just... things are tough right now. I'm... confused."

"Are you safe?"

I blinked. "I'm safe. Why wouldn't I be safe?" I looked outside at the sleet. Despite the weather, our street was busy this evening. I saw at least two people standing around across the street. There was a black sedan parked on the corner, along with the stupid Con Ed truck.