Darkness Taking Dawn- Lars Ulrich Fanfiction

Is This a Sickness or a Cure

And with the early dawn
Moving right along
I couldn't buy an eyeful of sleep
And in the aching night under satellites
I was not received
Built with stolen parts
A telephone in my heart
Someone get me a priest
To put my mind to bed
This ringing in my head
Is this a cure or is this a disease
Nail in my head
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live
Nail in my head
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live - Audioslave

Once we left the studio we went to this small cafe where he decided to light up. Yet, his eyes held this harsh seriousness despite his actions and mannerisms still reminding me of an angst driven teenager. He was still in relatively good shape despite him getting up in age and everything that happened during the nineties around Norway.

Immediately he pulled back his hair and stared at me directly into my eyes. He leaned forward then let out of sigh of fatigue. "So what did you want to talk about?" He questioned skeptically. "You never bothered talking to me after she died or at the hearing. You didn't really even want to contact me when she was alive. I didn't even learn about her death from you. I learned about it from the news rather than someone that I would've considered close to me."

I sighed as his unfaltering gaze continued to bore into my own. It was as if he simply was bored with this conversation despite it being about the person that he always held at the forefront of his mind. "Listen, I know I've been unfair to you." I started hesitantly. "But Rita has been plaguing my mind for a while. I know it must be the same for you." Once I finished my statement he looked down away from awkwardly as it seems I struck a chord with him. "Rita was and still is very dear to me too, but all I have on her is the book she left at the reading. I have no journals and I have no idea of her activities while she was alive once she left my sight. Can you please just allow me some sort of information so I can get closer to my closure for her."

When I finished he sighed partially in disbelief and partially in apathy. He looked up towards me once more as he smushed his lit cigarette in the ashtray next to us. "Listen," He started. "I love Rita, but she was just as secretive with you as she was with me. I know almost nothing about that book of hers. I can only bring up what I know about her sketching and letters. She told me briefly about what her doctors have told her, but I'm not a shrink I don't know why. Aside from her having some internal physical and mental damage I don't know that much about it. I would recommend going to her doctor, but know them they probably canned her medical history." He finished.

My eyes perked up as he mentioned her medical history. I knew that she was briefly prescribed doses of morphine, but aside from that she never brought anything up about it. "Wait. Medical history. What do you mean She was only on morphine right?" I pondered.

"No." He looked over at me although I was blind. "You didn't know? She was on Zoloft and an antipsychotic. Rita said that it had something to do with her uterus being torn or something." I shrank back as he continued. She never told me any of this. Never in the years that we have spent together has she ever even bothered to mention this to me. I guess that would explain why she was always so hesitant to have sex, but this was so surreal for me. For a long time I would tease her about being a prude, but having part of yourself being destroyed it comes as no surprise.

'Why has she never told me.' I unknowingly mumbled aloud to myself.

"Again, I'm not a shrink I don't know." He said while pulling another cigarette out of his back pocket. "But if you want to learn more about Rita I would suggest going to Norway. Her old house is still there. No one has been in there for a while, but I'm sure you can still get in if you have a key."

As he stood up I turned towards him almost begging and pleading to him for more answers. "Well, then do you have a key?" He turned back towards me and almost scoffed although what I asked was the funniest thing on the earth. "No, almost no one has a key to her house. You are barking up the wrong tree, Ulrich. Ask someone else."

"Well then who else would have a key!" I demanded.

He falsely pondered for a second humoring my rage. "Try Lilly. Her and Rita knew each other since they were kids." He left me standing there feeling dumb and confused as he hailed a cab to go to his hotel.
I shrugged and sighed as I realized Lilly was most likely the only way I could get more information on Rita. Lilly has for a long time hated me with a burning, seeping passion that still hasn't faded even after twenty years. Even when I try to reconcile with her it only proves to be fruitless and a waste of time. Even Rita couldn't bring us together. But it had to work this time something had to give.
I sighed and pulled out my phone and began working o scroll through my contacts until my finger landed on Lilly's contact information.
Rita has always been the one to standby and gave me life. She taught me how to live, even, but now I couldn't even buy an eyeful of sleep. I couldn't even put my mind to bed. I couldn't sleep soundly while hearing this ringing in my head. And it was all because of her, Rita. Yet now I had to call up Lilly of all people.
I pulled the phone up to my head as I heard the familiar ringing. As I heard the phone pick up from the other side I greeted her as pleasantly as possible.
"Hey, Lilly."
She was my last resort, yet throughout all of this I had to wonder, 'Is this a sickness or a cure?'