Darkness Taking Dawn- Lars Ulrich Fanfiction

Miserable Failure

Sometimes I can't get up
To face the day
Some folks just won't let up
And keep bothering me
I live by my own rules which may bother some
Just because I'm not like you doesn't mean that I'm dumb
I'd rather just set a fire and be left alone
I'm a miserable failure
That's what I'm told
Miserable failure
Much too old
I'm a miserable failure
I don't know why
Miserable failure until I die - Iron Reagan

It wasn't until I got to be sixteen when I really rebelled against the future my parents assigned to me. My grades were still good and everything, but it was clear that my personality had taken a definite shift in a different direction. All my life I was rather meek and quiet, but now I got out more. The more my parents had to be away at work the more events I got dragged to because of Lilly. Maybe at first I listed and hated her for it, but my fascination for these underground bands only grew more and more. They were so drastically different from anything I was ever accustomed to before, yet I couldn't turn away.
Over time my clothing, language, and even my mannerisms changed a bit. All of a sudden my dream wasn't to be an accountant, secretary, or some boring typist. I wanted an outlet to keep go everything that has been boiling up deep inside me for the past fourteen years of my life. I wasn't going to necessarily resort to violence yet, but music was the one thing I could use to finally let go.
1976 was the year I got to try my first beer, stay out late, meet new people, and actually feel somewhat normal for once in my life. I felt so alone for so long yet this tsunami of humans that I was surrounded by in this mosh pit made me feel more at home than both of my parents ever did. This was also the year when I got enough money to by my first vinyl record and my own record player. I remember it perfectly. None of those underground bands I was listening to at the time had any records, but who did have a record was none other than the Ramones. As silly and as typical as it sounds my first album was the one of the first biggest punk albums. Immediately afterwards my empty little cellar was soon filled with records, posters, along some new clothes and some black graffiti that I had sprayed on the milk white walls. I could finally say that this was my room. I could finally definable call something my own.
However, that year was also when I definable turned into what many would consider to be a 'juvenile delinquent'. I must confess I wasn't the best actor. I went around a spray painted quite a few  establishments in the town center and eventually the sides of a few churches, but here's the thing none of these places ever installed any cameras at least on the outside of their buildings. Plus, a black hoodie can really do its job of covering up a person's face and body type. It was really too easy to not get caught. You'd be stupid to anyway.
However, this new found freedom I had acquired rather quickly lead to a crackdown by the school, church, and most importantly my parents. My parents were always so conservative and uptight, so seeing me walk into a house with black clothing and new piercings made them furious. They smashed all my records in the following year, then they preceded to burn all my books in the year that succeeded that one.
However, out of all the ones I hold a severe burning hatred for would be the Catholic Church. The hypocrites who'd gladly call me out and look down at me when I was younger all cane back around to show me my place in life. I was a failure, a sinner, and most importantly I was the repugnant whore that dared to ruin their glorious holy days. But out of all of those disgusting excuses for 'servants of the Lord' the one that I truly despise with a burning passion that will never be quenched is Father Noah. That man used me in ways I will NEVER EVER forget.
They were supposed one on one therapy sessions that would help me see the light. He had his rotten way with me as he groped my thighs and my chest then finally decided the settle on my inner thighs and posterior. 'You're too masculine to be considered a girl anyway, so it won't matter in his eyes.' And after that everywhere I went all they'd whisper was, 'When she was younger they used to do things to her.' My assault just so magically turned into 'things'. Isn't that so fucking funny! All the boys in the college sure thought it was. They even tried several fucking times until I snapped and finally decided to leave.
I stole my dad's gun in the middle of the night. It was this ancient revolver from like the forties or fifties. He never knew until I went to see him again. I was sick and tired. For once I just wanted to live by my own rules, and that gun was how I thought I would easily acquire it. I bunked with Lilly for a few weeks, but every night in the house when she was passed out drunk with sleep I would almost unknowingly hold the gun up to my head rested right by my left temple. It would be so easy and it would be so quick. I wouldn't even feel it once it hit. I would just be stuck in a deep sleep, but this time I wouldn't wake up. I just can't get up sometimes to face the day. Sometimes I'd just rather be left alone because whenever I wake up I am constantly reminded of what and who I am, and I can't stand it. I saw myself in the mirror today and I immediately knew what I was; a miserable failure.