Darkness Taking Dawn- Lars Ulrich Fanfiction

I Still Love You, But, I Still Burn

I tried to love you I thought I could
I tried to own you I thought I would
I want to peel the skin from your face
Before the real you lays to waste
You told me I'm the only one Sweet little angel you should have run
Lying, crying, dying to leave
Innocence creates my hell Cheating myself still you know more
It would be so easy with a whore
Try to understand me little girl
My twisted passion to be your world Lost inside my sick head
I live for you but I'm not alive
Take my hand before I kill
I still love you, but, I still burn - Alice in Chains

I gazed down at the address in my hands along with  the old rusted key that was to Rita's old house. Since production for the documentary was momentarily put on hold I decided that it would be the best time to go over to Norway. It was in the woods near Oslo and was apparently quite isolated. The way Dave described it to me over the phone sounded like it was almost something akin to some shed. And knowing Rita it might be. She always loathed materialism. It was probably so minimalistic that it could constitute for something a poor person would seek shelter in, but nonetheless I had to go.

As I sat in the plane I was glaring down at the book in front of me with a mixture of disdain and curiosity. I never once dared to read this book let alone pick it up for more than a few moments at a time. This plane trip would be several hours. I might as well go ahead and read it before I go to her house. The book stated off so somberly it was the translator's notes. While, it could be seen as the usual gibberish seen in any book opener that dragged on for hours and hours at a time. This one as expected led into the actual author's biography and stated that this was partially the truth and partially just made up. However, upon deeper inspection it was just the author merely switching out names to make it seem more impersonal than it actually was.

The character you followed was weedily and socially inept. It came from this well off family yet it could never seem to fall in line like the rest. He had the intuition of a crazy person, almost that of a sociopath or some kind of serial killer, yet he never killed anyone at least directly. This character was a failure and a laughing stock. He was an alcoholic, a morphine addict, and always failed when he tried to commit suicide. And even when it was suggested that he found love it was always temporary and would lead him further down a hole. He had this girl he was dating and ending up wanting to jump. This made her join him, but she ended drowning while he still lived. He married this young 18 year old girl who ended up cheating on him. It led him to be more into drug and alcohol use while the wife was constantly fearing his mental state due to his suicidal tendencies. Yet, in the end it is neither told nor shone if he ended up taking his own life in the end. It just ends on his mother stating, 'No one knows where he went but I miss him.' She would also go on to blame that woman he was with, but that was it. Despite how the book started and progressed it ended pretty anticlimactically. 

I shuttered and recalled how it was when she died. No one knew where she was for a while. We sent search parties after her and filed a report in to the police, but to no avail. And despite the life she lived it seemed to many that she died pretty anticlimactically. But she always stated that a person like her would never die in their beds. Yet, one of the last times I was around her I questioned her about the book yet again. Only for her to sigh and state, 'This book is my favorite book', and 'I want to be just like the author', or 'I want to be just like Yōzō.' They were pretty blank slated statements. They were also pretty vague, yet she knew that almost no one knew anything about the book or would even bother to pick it up. 

I remember touring with her after her music finally made it big. Her fans over here were nothing, but ecstatic to see her but everyone else (media, parents, regular citizens, and the like) would go out of their way to punish her for her 'satanic' music.

When we had some down time in Norway Rita decided to show me around and go to some record stores and local parks and what not. Norway is a really isolated place. Almost everyone knew everyone there. She would also go onto explain to me that a lot of people there knew her from when she was a child. I expected to see them come up to her and maybe shoot the breeze to reconcile and reconnect after all those years away. But to my surprise she was treated like a black sheep among the flock of white ones. Wherever we went the same glares and stares of disgust followed her everywhere she went. Murmurs of disgust followed her, and while I didn't know what they were saying at the very least I could discern that it wasn't positive. Random people would snicker and point at her or belch out words of disgust. Even though I would question her about it she would never answer me at least directly. Yet, she seemed so unfazed by it, but behind those dull eyes I swear I could've seen a glimmer of sadness and a hint of shame and embarrassment evident in her eyes. The only time she seemed to be properly accepted and treated like a real person was in Helvete, and even then she still seemed to be a bit out of place and out of touch with her surroundings despite being welcomed there and being greeted at the door.

Interaction with her was always so brief and so curt. Yet, whether done intentionally or by mere coincidence her mannerisms nearly completely mirrored that of this book.  While, I didn't know much about her family life her actions around me showed that she didn't come from such a great background. I was always trying to help her. I was pleading with her to let me help her, but she turned me away. Even till the end she was a stubborn headstrong person that denied and refused assistance of any kind. She truly stood alone. 

I tried to love and to own you. I truly thought I could. The real you laid to waste. I wanted to own you, and I wanted you to be mine for good. I live for you but I'm not alive.  You told me I was the only one. Yet you and I were cheating each other. I still love you, but, I still burn.

A/N: I know I'm kinda late on this, but rest in peace Vinnie Paul of Hellyeah and Pantera. We lost another Cowboy this year,  but wherever you are now you are with your brother.