I'd Like To Fly

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Bury me softly in this womb
I give this part of me for you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb, in bloom Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
You don't understand who they thought
I was supposed to be
Look at me now a man
Who won't let himself be Down in a hole, feelin' so small
Down in a hole, losin' my soul
I'd like to fly, but my wings have been so denied Down in a hole and they've put all the stones in their place
I've eaten the sun so my tongue
Has been burned of the taste
I have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth
I will speak no more of my feelings beneath Down in a hole, feelin' so small
Down in a hole, losin' my soul
I'd like to fly but my wings have been so denied - Alice In Chains


After that day I finally got to do more things I wanted. I never felt so free in my life. Sure, college could be a pain in the ass at times, but I got to do what I wanted to do. No one was looking over my shoulder to see how bad I was doing. It was all just me. I spent most of my days either studying or grinding around for cash. My free time was rather scarce, but whenever I got some free time I got to go to some underground venues.

That was where I met Tomi and Joanna. They were these punk rocker chicks from Sweden who were going around trying to find a band to tour with since they were both roadies for Mercyful Fate at one point. To be honest at first I wasn't all too keen on being with them. They were a bit too loud and obnoxious for my taste. Upon first meeting them I thought they were just some pretty girl posers that were just in the scene to make them look cool and whatnot. However, once I got to know them they were just as obsessed with rock, punk, and metal music as I was. I'm not going to lie I had fun being around them. They all had this brash attitude about them and they were pretty funny.

We were all practically peas of a pod. We were pretty similar when it came to a bunch of things. They were these college dropouts from Stockholm and had and infinite love for the Clash and the Sex Pistols. They hated pop music and all they wanted to do was jam out to heavy metal music and drink light beer. Joanna and Tomi were amazing to me. They were the first outgoing and assertive people I have ever met that actually seemed nice and rather genuine.

After a while we grew to hang out more and more. That was all until one drunken night when we all decided to make our own band. We were all sitting around in the old muggy apartment that Lilly and I rented out together with beer cans all around us along with several vinyls that I had managed to snag from my job. It started when we were sitting around listening to Judas Priest's Stained Class when I made a joke subtly suggesting that we should all make a band. And that's what I thought it was. It was just a terrible joke I decided to make while drunk out of my mind. Yet, Joanna on the other hand thought it was the best idea ever even formulated by a person. It was such a good idea that a few hours later, after our hangovers came and went, she brought up the idea to me again. I spent some time trying to talk her out of it, but her, Tomi, and soon Lilly were all on board with it, so who was I to object?

It took us months to even consider playing some venues since we were all still getting used to our instruments. Tomi and Joanna were all used to playing their instruments since they were roadies, but Lilly and I on the other hand were pretty much inexperienced babies when it came to playing or even writing music. Yet soon after a year and a half we were at the stage where we could start playing at some small venues. I got to go out at night and be something I wasn't. At first it wasn't really a character I played on stage. If anything I was a pretty bad front woman when I first started. But soon I finally learned to be comfortable in my own skin. It's kinda ironic how a bunch of drunken stranger in a dimly lit underground setting could ever bring me the sort of comfort and relief that I was expecting from my parents, but's that's exactly what happened. All these random angsty teenagers all held something in common with me, and it was repressed anger and most importantly music.

It was later that year that we decided to make a demo tape. It was this self titled project that a few of our songs landed on that was mixed and mastered with the help of some kid from Bergen, Norway and one of his friends from Egersund. We sold quite a few copies out of the back of Tomi's van at venues and at the university I attended , but for the most part we knew it would never get anywhere far. We were serious about this. I didn't want to live the rest of my life being some typist and I knew they all felt the same way so from that moment on we started saving up to move out to the States. We were all pretty skeptical about this decision at first, but o us it was clear that this frozen land had nothing else left to offer us. I finally got to live my life how I liked, because I realized that I'd like to fly.

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