Until We Meet Again (Sirius x OFC)

Part 1 - Chapter 17: Goodbye

We stayed at Rowan's longer than was wise. It was Monday morning when we couldn't possible stall the inevitable any longer.

Three nights. We'd had three nights and two full days. I wouldn't trade them for the world, but I would lie if I said they were enough.

Sirius had fetched Buckbeak who had been living in an old stable behind the house for the past days, eating anything we brought him. Now we were standing there, in each other's arms, both unable to let go and trying to savor these last few minutes.

The nearing farewell and the uncertainty whether I'd ever see him again felt like a knife in my stomach. I was sure I would be bleeding again as soon as he left.

"I'll write you," Sirius mumbled. "As soon as I can and as often as is safe."

I nodded in agreement, my voice not working the way it should. He held me tightly and hummed a melody I recognized from our old days. I was fighting back tears but to no avail. Sirius loosened his grip on me to look me in the eyes and I saw that they were wet as well. I kissed him with all I had, and he returned it desperately. I felt his tears on my cheek but when we eventually broke away, he was smiling.

"I love you, Alia. Don't ever forget that," he murmured.

More tears fell from my eyes. "I love you too, so much, Sirius."

He smirked and kissed me again, soft and tender this time with his hand in my hair. "We'll see each other again," he whispered. "I promise to be careful."

"I think our ideas of careful are quite different," I replied, making him chuckle.

"Look after yourself," he said. "My beautiful and strong girl."

Sirius pressed a last kiss to my lips and then let go of me. A piercing cold overcame me at the loss of his touch, I felt as if a Dementor was standing right next to me, draining me of all warmth and happiness. I needed to let him go, I knew, but it wasn't fair.

Sirius smiled at me one last time and then climbed onto Buckbeak's back, ready to fly into the rising sun.

* * *

I moved.

I couldn't stand being in our flat, it hurt too much. With the help of Remus, I put all of Sirius' things in boxes. The flat I found was even smaller than our shared one, but it was still in London. I needed to be here to feel close to him – although I knew he was far away from me.

He wasn't dead, I told myself. Who knew, maybe they would find evidence someday that proved him innocent. They were still investigating in a lot of cases who could bring new information.

Remus didn't believe a word. He said the evidence was already there and that I was only too hurt to see it, that false hopes were only making it worse. For me, this whole thing was too unbelievable. No matter the evidence, I knew Sirius couldn't have done it. No one could be this good of a liar, I knew he really loved me and his friends.

Not that I could ever say that out loud. Most people thought I was a Death Eater and wanted to see me in Azkaban as well. They insulted me on the open street, said I was a disgrace to our kind. Others said I was a poor and blind woman who had been betrayed by a man who was obviously a lunatic, a psychopath that had deceived all of his friends and even me to get a good cover and spy on us for Voldemort.

I didn't believe any of this. But since I had no evidence, I needed to be quiet. The Ministry was quick to judge these days. I was lucky they hadn't put me on trial or worse. But the thought of Sirius having betrayed me was too painful to bear. I was sure I would have died if I had believed it. So I clung to hope, secretly, and tried to blend into the masses.

Remus and I helped each other as best as we could. We forced ourselves to talk about our grief, to remember our friends and honor them, although it hurt. I started to work again after a while because rune translations kept my mind occupied.

But that only worked until I went to bed.

The nightmares that haunted me wouldn't stay away, no matter what I did. I woke up multiple times a night and I frequently had crying fits or panic attacks during the days. It got better with time, but only slowly, and I didn't really know how I made it to a point where I lived without them, but I did. The years that passed were like snow – they covered up everything, good or bad. And I lived in a seemingly endless winter, numbed by the cold.

One day I got a letter by Albus Dumbledore with the request to meet me in the Leaky Cauldron because he had a job offer. And from then on, Hogwarts was my home while I tried to find a way how to go on alone.

* * *

I arrived back in my apartment in London with a broken heart. I collapsed into bed and got hit by a painful crying fit, feeling as though I was suffocating.

Panic and fear overcame me, that I would never see Sirius again, that he would get hurt and all hopes had been foolish. I knew I could live without him, I had done so for twelve years, but I just didn't want to because a live without him had no happiness in it.

I heard a knock at my door after a while but tried to ignore it. What if the Ministry knew and was coming to get me? But would they knock?

"It's me," I heard a voice call out. "Remus."

Now I finally found the energy to at least get up and open the door. Remus immediately noticed the condition I was in and embraced me, my had resting against his chest as I again started crying. My emotions were boiling like they hadn't done in twelve years.

"Hey," Remus mumbled. "Calm down. Everything's fine, I'm sure."

I shook my head. "Nothing is fine, Remus, nothing."

"Pssst." He let go of me and looked me in the eyes. "You need to calm down, Ally."

His eyes did indeed calm me down. Remus always had a talent for that, so I let him lead me to the couch and sat down. Meanwhile, as I calmed down, he made tea and then handed me a steaming mug. The warmth worked wonders.

"Now, tell me how it went," asked Remus. I had written him a letter, telling him I would meet Sirius. Of course, the message was coded and had no details in it, but I just felt like I had to tell him.

"It was... wonderful," I started to describe. "We had a great time, we were both overwhelmed, but our closeness was still there, our love was still there. It was just so short... We talked a lot and I told him all that happened, but now... now he's out there and I don't know if I'm going to see him again."

Remus smiled at me. "You will. He survived twelve years of Azkaban, he will surely manage to hide a little longer."

By now I was somewhat composed, so I felt confident enough to talk and focus on the good things. "It was so great to see him. He looked better than you had described him, but still weak. He's still so vain, Remus, he even got himself muggle clothes, so he wouldn't have to face me in his old Azkaban rags." I smiled at Remus. "And you know what?"

"Hm?"

"We're still engaged, we're still going to marry. No matter how long it takes."

Remus smiled at me, shook his head and then laughed. "I'll be the Best Man, yes?"

"Of course," I assured him.

"He hasn't changed that much," Remus said. "I'm happy for you, Ally. I understand your worries, and I want to say how sorry I am for not trusting you when you said he was innocent."

"You couldn't have possibly known," I replied. "There's nothing to be sorry for."

Remus nodded and wrapped an arm around me, sighing. "I love you, Ally."

"I love you, too, Remy," I mumbled.

* * *

A/N: This concludes Part 1 of the story! Part 2 will focus on the events of Order of the Phoenix, the flashbacks are over now as well. Let me know if you liked the story so far! If you followed it until now, thanks for reading <3