Until We Meet Again (Sirius x OFC)

Part 2 - Chapter 33: Nightly Talks

A/N: Thank you so much for welcoming me back! I promise I won't go away again so soon, so here is the next chapter.

* * *

I could tell Sirius wasn't sure how to approach me... He gave me meaningful looks whenever he did decide to eat with us or was in the same room as me, but he never said anything. And just like that, he avoided me and I was stubborn enough not to cave and also far too busy and exhausted from missions. I had been hoping for a sincere apology but that wouldn't come, I was sure now, it had been weeks since the incident with Severus. Sirius didn't see my point; he was blinded by those feelings that he wouldn't disclose to me.

I had this weird feeling that he didn't really love me anymore. If he did... why would he avoid me and not try to make up? Why would he barely say a word to me? Why wouldn't he kiss me, hug me or at least come to bed with me at night? He did sleep in our room but would always go to bed extremely late at night and get up way before me. Even Nyx felt neglected by him and mainly cuddled me with me at this point.

It was one night that those fears kept me awake even after Sirius had come to bed. He was lying next to me, facing away, so close to the edge of the mattress that I worried he might fall out of bed. I wasn't sure whether he was actually asleep or pretending and I stared at his back for a moment, mentally willing him to turn around and talk to me, but of course it didn't work. I slipped out of the bed and tiptoed out of the room. Nyx watched me from her place on the armchair in front of the fireplace as I silently closed the door.

Then I walked to Remus's room, hoping he was still awake. I just needed to talk about everything, and I was hoping he'd listen. Indeed, when I knocked at his door, I heard a clear yes and when I entered his room, I saw that a candle was lit, and he had been reading in bed. It reminded me of our times in Hogwarts when we'd sit in the library reading for hours until it got dark... until we were kicked out for curfew.

"Hey," he greeted me in surprise. "Can't sleep?"

I shook my head. "And you neither?"

"No, I barely sleep these days," he said, patting next to where he was half-lying.

I laid down next to him, just like we'd often done back in the day, staring at the ceiling for a while. He let me just lay there in silence until I turned to face him, ready to speak.

"What is it?" he asked finally, a worried expression on his face.

"It's me and Sirius," I explained. "I... Merlin, it might sound silly, but I think he doesn't love me anymore."

"What?" Remus asked. "Why ever would you think that?"

"Haven't you seen him lately?"

"Not as much as I want to due to the missions and somehow he's barely around when I'm here."

"That's exactly it. He is... absent. He avoids me. I told you about that incident with Severus, right? We haven't even talked about it again and he is doing his very best to be alone all day or with Buckbeak or whatever he does." I felt like crying but I swallowed the tears. "I don't know what to do, I'm scared if I ask him that he'll break up with me or something. It surely can't go on like that forever."

Remus took my hand and squeezed it. "I'm sure that isn't what this is about, Ally. I just think that at the moment all the negative emotions overwhelm him, and he has lost focus. Maybe he wants to be miserable because it's easier to be consumed by it than to work through his issues, I understand what that's like."

"I don't know, wouldn't he still at least have a few better days? I mean, things are wild. Order members are disappearing again, people are dying, we never know what's going to happen next. Wouldn't he try to spend time with me? We haven't... slept together in ages. He hasn't even kissed or touched me at all in weeks. I just have this really bad feeling that he stopped loving me and finally realized it. That he stopped desiring me, you know? It terrifies me."