YA1 || ❝To finding love in your arms everyone morning as I wake up, your eyes meeting my own in a pool of never ending depth. A depth I was willing to test in this life and the next, even if that meant drowning in the swirls of your scent.❞
This boo...
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This was perhaps when I fought against acceptance the most. You were my best friend! The first person I lov- trusted enough to call my best friend. I couldn't jeopardize this friendship for something as trivial as feelings.
And how I lied to myself.
The next two months, I preferred to start maintaining a distance. I mean best friends and everything agreed, but I had to stop the feelings. And at that point, distance and an hourly reminder of my purpose seemed like the best choice.
And that turned out so well.
It was obvious that you would notice the change first thing, and it wasn't really a surprise when our eventual conversations turned into prolonged arguments. And why? Because somehow I couldn't get myself to admit that I liked you, worried that my unwarranted feelings would ruin the great friendship we had.
It felt as though if I'd say it, it'd be irreversible. And as much as I loved the idea of us, I was a practical woman. I knew the odds. You'd been in a four year long relationship starting from a year after Paris, and that was "it" for you. When that relationship didn't work out, you didn't handle it well (contrary to what I was expecting) and I was the one who's shoulder you cried on and who got you up back on your feet.
Not confessing to you wasn't only because I feared you didn't feel that way, but in the 1% chance that you did and things didn't work out between us, I couldn't stand the thought of what it'd do to you. And you may have had a lot of friends but I know they just love you for your money and your extrovert nature.
No one bothers to look beneath all that toughness.
And even though I was looking out for both of us, I knew that our friendship was beginning to take a hit. We spent even lesser time together now and probably found our careers at that point in time to be even more engrossing just so that we could fool ourselves into believing that maintaining that space may make everything alright.
And ironic as it was, space was what created the problems in the first place.
Back then, I was working as an assistant to a renowned editor in a publishing house and was looking for my big break in a manuscript I got to know about through a friend. And you were beginning to find your way up the ranking in advertising.
And then, one fine day, you called.
We hadn't spoken for nearly a month until that point in time, so when you called to ask me out for dinner, I was honestly relieved.
It wasn't ego that'd kept me away from the phone, it was fear.
At this point in time I still wonder what made me let things go down this way. But I learnt the hard way that's what fear did. It ruined great things just because you turn astrologer one fine day and try to control things not meant to be meddled with in the first place.
And after all the tomfoolery of torturing both of ourselves for a month, I decided that enough was enough. Neither did my feelings diminish nor did our silence break. But when you called me up and finally broke that 22-day spell, something just sprang up in joy within me.
Perhaps it was not all lost yet in my stupidity. You asked me out to dinner and I was more than willing to take up on your suggestion.
Work could wait for one night.
If only I knew that this was going to be amongst the best decisions I'd made in my life up until then.
