Love Birds | ✓

23. All That Glitters Is Gold

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All that glitters is gold with you.
Including me.

It's my 28th birthday today. I shut my eyes to let the journey of my life run through them and all I can think about is how extraordinary my life has been ever since you entered it.

The smell of pancakes waft through my nose as I stand in front of the pan, spatula in one hand and the engagement ring on the other, my thoughts so ensnared.

Life has always been benevolent to me. Somewhere through growing up, I had all the ups and downs that every individual goes through on the journey on self-discovery.

But you made me rediscover who I really was beneath all the façades I'd grown to protect myself.

It's funny, how we're always so immersed in making something of our lives that we end up losing ourselves in the process.

It's even funnier that we don't realize it until it's too late.

For me, that reality check came in you. You, who have always taught me to love myself even though on some days it seems like the hardest thing to do. But seeing the way you love me has made me stop being so critical about myself.

It also made me realize why I seemed to cocoon up against the world. In all reality, I was the only who'd terrified my wits out and had pushed myself deeper. I have always been harsh with myself ever since I can remember, but I never knew how to stop until you caught my hand and told me "enough".

That was the day you broke through the final barrier of my heart.

It was one of those days when I presume that my practicality had been overriden by the friendly PMS. Add to the fact that I was this close to losing my job and the two of us had had one of our worst spats in our relationship until then.

So when I came home, the first thing that actually crossed my mind to take the edge off by was to break something.

And so I did.

Vases went flying, glasses followed suit, and somewhere in between all the shards, I sat like a broken marionette. It did not help that I was as drunk as I could be for someone who'd tried binge drinking for the first time.

My memory from that night is unusually clear for a reason even I don't know, but I will never forget the look upon your face when you came home to this sight.

And even to this date, I can't find the right word to it.

There was horror, certainly. But that was quickly replaced by panic and worry, somehow simmering into anger and then suddenly dissipating into... patience.

There were a lot of emotions on your face in that moment, each flitting in after the other like the colours of dawn on a pale sky.

But there was no sympathy.

No.

I remember you walking into the living room, your shock and surprise at finding me this way fading away as quickly as it had flickered upon your face, taking away the fear alongside.

By the time you sat in front of me, I only remember your steady gaze, the gaze that finally broke the last remaining barrier between us.

Tears pooled in my eyes before I knew it, and I was in your arms before you knew it, crying as though this was going to be the last time we were going to embrace each other so intimately. You let the shards as gently aside as you could without hurting me, surrendering your knees to its broken mercy.

When we separated, I seemed even more despondent that I was before falling into your arms, wanting nothing more than for the madness to end. It was then that you'd wiped away my tears gently, looking me as deeply in the eye as you could.

"Enough."

It was all that it took for me to stop crying and to give you my fullest attention. You always tell me that I sat in front of you that night like a impertinent child with my lips flouted and face blotched. Perhaps I was both that night, after all.

"Am I that bad of a person that things seem to fall apart for me?"

"You're not a bad person, Elsa. You've just had a bad day. And it's okay to feel this way. Would you mind telling me why you're this upset though?"

Switching between hiccoughs and sniffs, I recounted everything that had happened during the day while you sat back patiently.

"Elsa, would you like to go to sleep for now?" was the only thing you asked me at the end, the question a lot more trickier than it was intended to be.

I didn't know what I wanted.

But sleep made sense.

"Yes, I would like that," I whisper back in response, my eyes already embracing the dark peace that came with sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I was conscious of (apart from the wonderful headache) was about the fact that you were asleep beside me, the sun dazzling upon your skin with such finesse that it made you look... gold.

Remembering about what happened the previous day didn't seem much of a task, yet the only thing I was conscious of recollecting was you.

You, your essence and your words.

All three of them glittering upon me just like gold.

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