Love Birds | ✓

14. Finding Solace

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The days you embrace me are always the best ones.

But when I say embrace me, I don't mean about embracing me in your arms. I mean you letting me embrace you into mine.

When out friendship started off, we started off as me being more dependent upon you. Not because I'm that way in general but because there was something about you that made me feel secure in a very long time.

Talking with you was just so easy, it never felt like I needed to think upon my words thrice to figure out whether or not to share things with you. And you being you, you always heard me with such patience and interest, it made my heart grow even fonder as time passed by.

And though I was completely taken by you, it didn't mean that I never noticed you. Because I did. Your moods, your triggers, your line of patience.

It's not like you were my sponsor or my therapist. You were just someone I supposedly had a fling with before we genuinely decided to give what we had between us a try, starting from a long-distance friendship.

I never believed it would work.

And yet before I knew it, my heart was open right there in front of you like an honest book. And you listened to me with such attention, it made me conscious at times. I couldn't remember when the last time was when somebody wanted to hear about me for once.

And yet, I didn't miss out on knowing who you were. You were just the opposite yet so alike me - full of spirit, always upfront, speaking your mind, keeping no bottled feelings, so carefree and loving and just so... positive.

Well, you had the same opinion except for the way I dealt with my emotions, so that definitely let me boldly be a side of me I'd kept on leash in the attic of my mind.

And as time grew by, even through long-distance, we knew each other.

The two of us have always been about honest confrontation on emotions, but I will never forget the first night we met after Paris. Not when you shifted here to London for your job, but when you broke up with Zara.

I'd gotten home late from work that night, half-heartedly sipping over some Chardonnay while going through my papers for the next day, having a presentation on hand.

So it was my surprise when my doorbell goes off at 2am, and I have no idea who to expect at that time of the hour. My parents had just visited me the previous week, so it couldn't be them and none of my friends seemed to be in a spot where they needed a shoulder at that time.

So I did the best thing I could.

I picked out the pepper spray from my purse and headed towards the door, preparing for the worst.

When I swung the door over, there was best and worst at the same time.

I never realized the pepper spray that fell away from my hand in a clatter, my shock was that intense at seeing you. Not only had we not spoken for a week, but I had no idea about what brought you to my doorstep in the state you were.

I still remember that awkward leather jacket that tried to dignify the crumples of the white shirt beneath that refused to remain tucked in. Your hair was disheveled and I could see that you hadn't caught any sleep in the last couple of days. And yet, your eyes seemed to remain fixated upon me. Just the blues of your electric gaze pressed against the worried ones of mine.

And in a minute, it all came flashing down.

"It's Zara, isn't it?" I ask, my implied meaning not gone amiss. You looks surprised at me having caught on so quick - when we'd spoken last week, you was picking a ring out for her. It didn't really take that long to figure it out from your state about what had happened.

"I didn't know where else to go," is all you said, your voice growing huskier with the tiredness.

And even before I decide to say anything, it happens. You fall into my arms the same moment I embrace you. And for the first time, even inspite of knowing you so well in those three years, I got to see the man beneath the smile.

The man who cried in my arms that night. The man who sought comfort in my embrace. The man who found solace. And the man who finally fell asleep on my lap after chugging away three more glasses of Chardonnay.

That was the first night when I truly knew you for who you were. Where I truly knew of how capable you were of love and how deeply you could. And if I was truthful to myself, I never knew that you felt so strongly for her up until then.

And the night you found comfort in me, I found something in the process as well. I finally found the perfect way to describe what you were to me and what I felt for you.

Love.

When you woke up the next morning, contrary to expectations there was no awkwardness. Just the simple explanation of you needing to hit the closest bar before you came to see me to be able to face me with the shame of not letting me know sooner.

And since that day, there have been several nights this way, but only once we got into a relationship. Because between my tomfoolery and him adjusting to a new life in London, we'd both somehow tossed our emotions aside.

But once we did decide to give our feelings a shot at the future, there have been several nights this way. Where you just knock upon my door and pull me into your embrace.

Contrary like with me, I simply let you sink as I take in your scent, finding home in it. Silence is the only companion in the embrace along with our deep breathing, and somewhere along letting you in and you falling asleep on my lap, I know you find the solace you've been looking for.

And it's those nights when I fall asleep the soundest, knowing that I'd finally given you a home to find solace in as well.

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