Just Wait » Boyf Riends

I'm Going To Go Jump In a Well

  I reached my home, emotionally drained and exhausted. I've left Jeremy's house and I've done nothing but harm.

  Let's go over the statistics:

  Jeremy?
•I asked him why he wasn't bald.
  •I told him to "have fun with the cancer" by accident.
  •I yelled at him how cool it is that hippo milk is pink right after he asked me a serious question that he probably kept internal for the past four years.
  •This one is going off basic context clues, but I'm pretty sure after I left he started crying.
  •So I've talked to Jeremy twice in these past four years and both times I made him cry, lovely.

  Mr. Heere?
  •I asked him about his wife, only to realize that she left, which is probably a sensitive subject that upset him.
  •I was an absolute ass to his son.
  •I made him unload a bunch of emotional baggage about his kid that he probably didn't want to talk about.

  Myself?
  •I feel guilty.
  •I have certified a number one spot in the Worst Person Ever list.

Yeah, not a fun visit. And you might be asking: "Michael! You fucking dumbass! Why didn't you just tell Jeremy why you broke up with him you asshole! You broke up with him because you were scared of people harassing you for being gay, right? Why didn't you just tell him that!" Yeah, I know.

"How did you know that's what I was thinking?" you may be asking, well, that's because I'm thinking the exact same thing. While walking home I had to stand still every now and then just to internally scold myself.

And here's why I didn't just tell him that:

Because I knew deep down that it was so much more than that.

Because if that was the only reason I would've broken up with him the day after I asked him out.

And even then, I was standing there, completely dumbfounded to why I did actually broke up with Jeremy, and why I didn't do it sooner, and the answer was right in front of me, however, I was somehow still oblivious to it.

I know why now.

But, that's a spoiler isn't it? Keep it in mind though, I'll explain later on.

  It was like my brain was on auto-pilot, because I reached home without even being physically aware of it. I slammed the door open and when my mom saw me she was quite confused, considering I was gone for maybe twenty five minutes at most.

  "Hey sweetie, not go well?" She asked.

  I groaned slamming my head onto the counter.

  "What happened?" She put something in the oven, "Was Jeremy mean or something?"

  "No, no, Jeremy was nice, I was the mean one."

  Her eyebrows furrowed, "You're not a mean person, though—"

  "Yeah, yeah, I wasn't trying to be mean," I sigh. I hear a grunt come for her, which is just our way of mutually agreeing that I didn't want to talk about it.

  "So this whole Jeremy thing is a bust, huh?" She smiled sympathetically.

  "I guess."