Lost Boys - Jin × BTS

[6]

"Haven't you ever considered that perhaps every time I smile; I'm actually dying inside? "

Jin was confused. At first, the air around him seemed too hot, his body felt very stiff and sweaty; then he realized that it was because of the bodies lying beside him on both sides. They seemed pretty attached to him, making it difficult to breathe and their body heat making the atmosphere burning hot.

He opened his eyes slowly; usually, after his PTSD induced panic attacks, he would become lazy and moody. He didn't really know how to speak to the boys now. Did he scare them? Did seeing that make them disgusted? Did they not want to work with him anymore?

That didn't seem to be the case though, because two of the boys were sleeping while cuddling with him. He was confused; he didn't really remember what happened yesterday, he never did. It was a pity that he always forgot what happened during or after the attacks; his psychiatrist had said it was because he had trained his brain to block away from all the painful memories.

When he had heard that from her, he had been confused. He still remembered his parents' murder; his and his brother's accident; burying his brother with his own hands beside his parents. He couldn't exactly say that life had been harsh on him; he had his current parents adopt him two years later after his brother's death two months before he was going to turn eighteen.

His current parents had done their best to make him forget the painful memories, to make his life better by keeping the whole world at the palm of his hand. Anything he wanted; anything he wished for, provided to him even before he could think twice about it. But Seokjin was never such a person; he was kind, modest, and never asked for anything. Seokjin didn't ever ask them for anything except their love, which he ached for.

That's why he was pampered even now that he was a twenty-three-year-old. They loved him immensely even though he wasn't their child. Jin had so much love for them in return too; that's why he had decided to start living alone, because he could see it was destroying them to see him so ill, mentally as well as physically.

Jin looked at Hobi and Tae laying at both his sides; it was quite a view, both of them looked extremely handsome up close. He wondered why they hadn't been scouted by modeling agencies yet, but no worries, now he was there.

A smile made it's way onto his face as he looked back at the ceiling. He felt weird with them cuddled up to him; he felt strangely safe. He sighed loudly; if he wanted the pain to go away, then he had to find a distraction. Jin tried to sit up, but that was an impossible feat as there were two much stronger boys with their arms wrapped around him, and his body was not co-operating at all by being in so much pain.

Although he wasn't successful in sitting up; proven by him groaning, he at least succeeded in waking the boys up.

Taehyung opened his eyes when a loud groan had reached his ears, and when he opened his eyes, he could see Jin struggling beside him. He immediately moved away from the now extremely sweaty boy to give him some space. He gingerly helped the boy sit up, and while doing so, he heard another groan from Jin followed by an 'I need to visit the hospital soon.'

Although that made him tense and worried, he didn't want to force the boy to talk; considering the devastating turn it had taken last night.

Last night, Hoseok immediately remembered as he saw Taehyung helping Jin sit up properly and fixing the cushions behind him to lean on.

The boys had been speaking about what had happened to Jin suddenly. Although he had been quiet and reserved the whole day; none of the boys could've predicted that outcome. Thankfully, they had experienced the same thing twice or thrice; but with Hoseok in Jin's position.

Namjoon had been trying to calm them all, but it was too surreal. The one person they thought was going to fix them was shattered himself. He was supposed to be perfect, he was supposed to be whole. He was what they thought an ideal presentation of a happy person; but when their mental imagery of the man shattered that way when what they thought they knew of the man proved wrong, they were horrified.

No, they didn't hate him or were horrified at him. But they were just surprised, taken aback, proven wrong. They had always believed the ones that had enough money didn't have any sadness or emptiness in their lives. That they weren't as broken or shattered as they were. But they had been proven wrong.

While Namjoon had been telling them the various reasons why Jin could be like that, they had heard a scream from the room where Jungkook had laid him down. Yoongi had immediately reacted, knowing that scream all too well; he heard it everytime he had a nightmare from himself.

Running to Jin's room and immediately running over to the crying and panicked man, Yoongi had tried his best to calm him down, to say it was a nightmare, to show him that everything was okay, that he wasn't alone, that he shouldn't be scared.

But nothing had worked, and Yoongi knew it won't. Those words never comforted him either when he was in the same position, in the same darkness. So he just held the boy close as he screamed, as he whimpered, as he longed, asking for a person that Yoongi knew would never come back as he had heard Jin crying, repeating the same words over and over. 

'Don't die, Please don't die.'

In the end, it had all been too much for Yoongi too. He remembered his own darkness, he could feel his own demons catch up to him. The boy he had so carelessly mistreated, the boy that he had thought had everything served down to him in a silver platter, was actually just like him. Another person that had lost who he loved. Another shattered soul aching for the warmth of their most beloved.

Yoongi had gotten up; Hoseok and Namjoon immediately taking his place. But none of the boys left Jin Alone.

So when Jin saw all the others scattered around the room; he was shocked. But he had to fix the damage done. The boys had their lives to make, future to brighten, and he wasn't going to burden them with his problems, which had no solutions.

A warm smile plastered, a few joking words said, a few childish comments made, and the boys had believed him.

Although it might take them a while to forget last night's images from their head, they would try; because they wanted to avoid the fact that their perfect man was actually someone else as long as they could. It was not done purposely, but it was rather unconsciously pushed at the back of their minds. After all, don't all the things humans do which they later come to regret, happen subconsciously?