Take Me Down The Rabbit Hole [SOMEWHAT EDITED]

Chapter 3 : The Truth

After everyone left, except Mina, I went to my laptop and went to the chat that Lukas and I use to text each other. I texted Lukas:

Lilyroni88 has logged on

Lilyroni88: hey

LukaBomb 101 has logged on

Lukabomb101: Hey!

Lilyroni88: Can i ask you something?

Lukabomb101: sure! :)

Lilyroni88: Can you meet me after classes in my dorm?

Lukaboom101: Sure. why?

Lilyroni88: i need to talk to you about something... important

Lukabomb101: okay... is everything alright?

Lilyroni88: yeah... just need to talk about something

Lukabomb101: okay! See you tomorrow

Lilyroni88: bye

Lukabomb101: bye!

You have logged off

This is it. I'm finally going to tell him. After all these years... he will finally know.

I couldn't sleep. I keep thinking that he'll despise me when I tell him. I don't know why but that's all that came to mind whenever I thought about the situation. It's not that big of a deal, honestly. I'm just being dramatic.

☆

As soon as I see the sun begin to rise, I decide get up.

When I go to take a shower, I soon realize that I'm exhausted. But at this point, I could care less.

I don't go to breakfast and instead, I stayed in my dorm until my class was about to start.

☆

I can't focus in class. I keep thinking up scenarios that might happen when I tell Lucas the truth, with all of them ending bad.

This eventually became a problem so, I ask the teacher if I can go to the bathroom. She lets me go, and right when I close the door, I sprint to the bathroom. I can feel tears running down my cheeks.

Why am I crying? Will I be able to handle telling Lucas about this? Or will I break down like a baby?

☆

When I reached the bathroom, which felt like a mile away, I go to the sink and turn on the faucet, splashing some water on my face to hide the evidence that I was crying and to help cool down my face.

"I can do it," I tell myself.

"There is nothing to worry about."

After calming myself down enough, I return back to class.

The rest of days, I was one edge. I couldn't focus, I couldn't do my work without a storm of thoughts pouring down on me out of nowhere. I just can't handle this.

☆

It was finally the end of the day, classes are over and everyone can go back to their dorms, hang out with friends, study and do homework, while I'm here about to go to war with a bunch of panic attacks. I walk so slowly and keep checking my phone as a way to stall myself from going.

Eventually, I made it and there he is, standing there with his hands in his pockets and leaning against the wall. His eyes being shadowed by his bangs. I don't make a sound out of fear. It was like I was stuck here. Like my soul had left my body.

It took him a minute or so to notice me. When he did finally see me, he jumped a little.

"Oh, hey, you scared me." he says with a small laugh.

"Oh sorry." My palms start to sweat.

"You can do this." I think.

"What?" he asked.

" Uh, nothing!" I say quickly, surprised that I actually said that out loud.

"So... um..." I can't get the words out.

Why am I struggling so much just to say a few words?

"What did you want to talk about?" he asks.

"I..um... wanted to...um... talk about.... um..."

I feel a panic attack beginning to rise. I guess he saw that I was nervous because he then proceeded to say,

"You can tell me. I won't judge."

Those words struck me like a knife.

"Okay..."I mumbled. I take a deep breath.

"I'm related to the Mad Hatter." I finally say.

Finally being able to say those words feel like weight has been lifted off my chest.

"Oh" he said.

That's it. 'Oh'. I knew it . He rejected me. I should've known. I could feel tears growing in my eyes. They were threatening to escape. God, stop being so dramatic.

" I already knew" he says, with a slight chuckle.

I look up at him. "Y-You already knew?"

It came more of a question than I want it to be.

"How?" I ask.

He stays silent for a moment, probably trying to remember when he found out. Was it that long ago?

"It was in 3rd grade, I believe." A small smile grew on his face.

"When we had introduce ourself to everyone," he fumbles with something in his pocket.

"You also had to give a fact about yourself. When it was your turn, you said your name and confidently stated how you were related to the mad hatter."

I stare in shock. I can't believe he still remembers that. I totally forgot.

"So... everything is okay between us... Right?" I ask, still unsure.

"Nothing would've changed between us, whether I knew or not." he states.

I blanked out. So, in the end, I really was being dramatic.

"Plus, you're my best friend, and nothing like stop me from loving you." he then adds.

I felt my cheeks and ears grow warm.

If only he knew how different those words means to me.

Then I remembered about the letter.

"Oh, and one more thing." I begin to add, hoping the warmth in my face goes away.

"All of us have to go down the rabbit hole."