Y/N Pov Managing unrequited love isn't easy, let alone when this love is felt towards someone who can never be yours, from the beginning. And although I was aware of this, I fell in love with someone who lives on the other side of the world, someone I can't even contact, someone who will never notice me: an idol, Kang Daniel.
But after all they say that love can't be controlled, right?
But it is also true that, from the beginning, my first true love had a double meaning: he managed to make me touch paradise with a finger, and at the same he made me fall to hell. I came to think that karma has decided to make me fall in love with someone who will never reciprocate my feelings to punish me for the fact that in a past life I didn't love someone who had some feelings towards me.
But it is also true that thanks to this impossible love I grew up and I did things that I never thought I could do before. The first of these: write a letter in which I expressed as sincerely as possible my love for Daniel. Letter to which I have never been answered.
By now, since the day I fell in love at first sight with Daniel, almost 6 years have passed. And in all this time, despite everything, I kept writing letters to him and my feelings remained unchanged. I continued to love him with all of myself, as if every single day was the first.
I thought I could resist forever, that I would have been able to endure this feeling until the end of my days. But honestly now I can't take it anymore. I need an answer from him, an answer to go on, an answer to turn the page definitely, even if inside of me I know that Daniel will always remain a very important person in my life. Because after all if now I am who I am, it's also his merit.
So, after sending him a last letter in which I said that in December I would go to Korea and that I wanted to meet him at a certain place at a certain time... here I am. Here I am waiting for him, although the pre-arranged time for our meeting has now passed.
Daniel Pov Today is the day that my fan, indeed.... that girl, Y/N, in love with me, had decided for meet me. It is now two hours after the scheduled time. By now she will have already returned to the hotel seeing that I haven't presented myself to the appointment. So why can't I not think about it? Why do I keep turning her letter in my hands and force myself to read the name of the place where she said she will be waiting for me? Why do I keep telling myself 'Daniel, get up and go to her. She surely will be still there waiting for you. You know that, right?'
Aish... without even realizing it, here I am, at the meeting place and... booom. I clashed with a small foreign girl with watery eyes, have she cried?
"Daniel" said the little girl, with only a faint voice
"Y/N... are you...? What... what are you still doing here. You don't see that 3 hours have passed since the time of the appointment! Why didn't you go back to the hotel!" I told her, putting my jacket on her shoulders. She was trembling from the cold because she had been all this time waiting for me with a dress that was definitely not suitable for winter night temperatures.
"Because I knew that sooner or later you would come" she replied with a smile of satisfaction
"What if I didn't come?"
"What does it matter now? You're here, right? This is what matters now. Thank you for coming to meet me"
"What did you want to talk about?" I asked her, trying to make her talk as quickly as possible. I was cold and sleepy: in short, I wanted to go back to my dorm as soon as possible. Also because if the manager discovered that I had snuck out without his permission, well, I would have been a dead man.
"I'm sorry to have asked you to meet today, at this time, but I did it because I have a favor to ask you" she said lowering her eyes slightly, before she locked our eyes again "I love you. I know it sounds stupid, senseless, etc... but it's the truth"
"I already know this, you wrote it in all your letters, right?"
"You are right. But this isn't what I wanted to tell/ask you. I know that in the letters I said that I would have waited for you forever, that I wasn't interested in your answer or in you reciprocating my feelings because after all what was most important to me was your happiness... however..."
"However?"
"But you see. I can't handle it anymore. I can no longer put only the happiness of others before mine. I'm sick of not being happy and continuing to think that I don't deserve to be so. That I am destined only to suffer. So please, please give me an answer to my feelings. This is all I'm asking for!"
"And do you seem to ask for little?" I answered, slightly upset by her request. Alright... she had every right in the world to want to be happy, to start smiling again and get an answer from me, but why right now?
"Please Daniel. I don't ask you to reciprocate my feelings, but at least be a man and have the courage to reject me properly" her voice was increasingly uncertain, as if she didn't really want to know the answer she was asking for. And I didn't want to answer her, I wasn't ready.
"I'm sorry, but I can't answer you. In short, I don't know you and consequently I can't really reciprocate your feelings, but at the same time you are a fan of mine and I can't risk losing you by refusing your love" I said, hoping that this answer would be enough to make her forget what she wanted to know.
"Daniel, even if you refuse me you will not lose a fan. First of all because I've never been a true fan of yours and secondly because even if you reject me, I will continue to support you. So please give me an answer. Please reject me. I need an answer to go on, reject me you stupid" at this point the tears had begun to run down her cheeks.
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"Are you stupid?" I screamed at her. Now I could no longer keep my feelings under control, let alone be in complete control of my body "you really must be stupid, there are no other explanations. Explain how the fuck I can refuse the girl I fell in love with. How can I tell you that I don't want to have you in my life when I would give up a lot of things just to hold you in my arms for a moment? How can I reject you properly when I only wish you could smile thanks to me, when I would just like to have you by my side! Explain it to me? I can't reject you, but I can't even accept you and your love because the work I do now doesn't allow me to be with you, with anyone. Yet I stupidly fell in love with you!"
And after having scratched my neck slightly and checked if there was anyone nearby (after all I had screamed and I might have caught somebody's attention), I lowered the mask that covered my face. And after taking her face in my hands, I pushed her against a wall in a dark alley and kissed her.
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After a moment of hesitation and uncertainty she began to reciprocate the kiss... finally I had been able to show her my love: I finally managed to give her an answer. The answer that for years I had hoped to give her.
