♡ Love to Live ♡ Kang Daniel FanFiction

N° 10: Jealousy

Y/N Pov
I thought that, after coming up here in Seoul, to start living with him things would have changed... but unfortunately I was wrong. Although I have come to live here, in his motherland, this sense that haunts me since the beginning of our relationship doesn't want to leave me.

My relationship with Daniel was a small miracle in my life, one of those events that seem possible only in the stories that are told to us when we are children. And instead, my prince on his white horse has really arrived.

Initially I was just one of his fans, one like all the others. And I never thought that among all those girls, so beautiful, sweet and full of love for him, he could have came to notice me. For this reason I consider it my little miracle! The first time I had the chance to interact with him was through the FanCafè. I had posted a question there and, to my immense surprise, he answered it. That evening, he only answered my question and not to other fans. I was in seventh heaven, because it was as if he had found time just for me and me only. From that moment on, my feelings towards him began to change. Slowly I began to tie myself more and more to him; on several occasions I found the courage to post some questions and some comments just to see if he would have answered them... and on several occasions it was like that. Indeed, to be honest, he always answered everything I wrote.

With the passage of time I had the courage to send him a letter, written by hand and in Korean (which incidentally isn't my mother-tongue). To that simple letter in which I confided my feelings, I also attached my phone number. The days that followed the sending of the letter were nothing short of difficult to bear.

Two weeks passed and now I had almost completely abandoned the hope to receive an answer from Daniel. What hurt me the most was the fact that, unfortunately, I had no chance to know if the absence of an answer was due to the fact that the letter hadn't arrived at its destination or if it was because Daniel had decided not to answer me.

Two more weeks went by without news. Now I didn't even think about it anymore, I was convinced that I had sent that letter only in my dreams, but... the day of my birthday the second miracle was realized: I received a message on Kakao-talk from Daniel. In the message he apologized for not answering before, but apparently he was quite busy with the Wanna One's comeback and also it took him some time to realize the fact that the sender of that letter was the same girl to whom he answered every single time in the FanCafè.

From that day on we began to chat with each other more and more often and more often we ended up talking about ourselves, by now we knew each other very well.

On Valentine's Day we made our first face time call. And just that day, Daniel, with the most beautiful smile that he could show, told me 'I know that it could be quite strange what I'm about to tell you, but believe me I really thought about it a lot and however it might seem an absurd thing... I wanted to ask you if... do you want to be my girlfriend? I know it may not be easy to keep a relationship at distance, but... please... please... let's try at least'. To such a proposal, I couldn't help but accept and that's how I became his official fiancée, even if, naturally, our relationship had to remain completely secret to the rest of the world.

After that day, I did everything I could to go to Korea as fast as I could; I also followed innumerable language courses to be able to speak there and of course to be able to communicate with him in a more natural way.

But... but our relationship wasn't simple at all. I was always devoured by jealousy. Because anyway his fans could stay in touch with him as much as they wanted, they had a million opportunities to interact physically with him, while I could only exchange a few messages a day (certainly the time zone between our two countries of origin didn't help). Precisely for this reason I set off to go to Seoul. And now here I am, by his side, even if only when we are at home... and he is home very rarely. But although I'm here with him, well, my jealousy isn't gone yet. I didn't think that entertaining a secret relationship with an idol could be so difficult, I thought I could handle it, be capable of going through it... and instead, it seems, I was wrong.

Daniel Pov
I thought that, after Y/N had come here to Seoul, things would have changed with her start living with me. And instead her jealousy continues to get in the way of our relationship, continues to hinder our happiness. I love her, I really love her... and I understand that having a secret relationship with an idol to which, moreover, it would be forbidden to have love affairs can be difficult. But it isn't good to be so jealous, it hurts both ou us. Even though the more I look at her, while she sleeps next to me in the morning, before I leave home to go to work, the more I am convinced that her isn't jealousy but rather a lot of insecurity. After all, she doesn't have much self-esteem, she always thinks she is a burden for the people around her, and she doesn't want to hurt anyone she cares about with all her strength, so she tends to remove herself from those who love her and isolate herself. I know all this from all that, with time, she told me about herself... and for this I want to be the exception that will change her opinion about herself.

Today I'm out filming for a program. And as I was told by the manager, I'll have to spend the whole day with a fan... she must have won some kind of lottery, or something like that.

The shooting almost ended in the best way. Now I and this fan, whose unfortunately I continue to forget the name, are walking side by side towards a cafè; surrounding us there is a crowd of people and within these people... Y/N!

Shit...

She's doing everything in her power to hold back the tears. I would like to rush to embrace her and reassure her that it isn't anything that she is thinking of, but unfortunately I can't do it. I would only risk endangering her even more.

I thought she would run away in tears, but instead she approached me, and after looking me straight in the eye, she said "Daniel... why? Just tell me why everything must be so difficult? Why can't I be happy, happy with you, without having to hide everything about the two of us? Why is this damn jealousy devouring me? Why can't you do anything to help me? I know I'm a disaster, a person no one would want by their side... and that's why, please, if I'm a problem tell me, abandon me, don't make me suffer like this. I'm begging you, please."

Hearing certain words killed me. I know that after what I am about to do, I will most likely pay dearly for the consequences, but I can't bear to see her feel so bad, blaming everything on herself. To hear her denigrate by herself in this way makes my heart cry.

"Yes, Y/N, you're a mess, a real disaster. Always combine messes, you're always wrong. You wrap yourself and then you no longer know how to get out of it. You're paranoid, full of complexes and questions. Every time you do something stupid or foolish then you regret it and you wonder how you can be so imperfect, so complicated, so full of flaws. And surely you are doing it even now" and while I was saying this I had approached her, taking her face now striped by warm tears in my hands "Sometimes you would like to disappear because you think this isn't the right place, that you don't belong to the world. Sometimes you just want to be alone, lost in your thoughts, in that chaos inside you, so as not to hurt anyone important to you. You are a hurricane, an erupting volcano. A thousand emotions envelop you" before continuing I took a deep breath. After all, I knew that there were people staring at me and that some of them were even filming the whole scene, but it wasn't the time to be embarrassed. "And you feel so small, so helpless in the face of all the emotions that you can't control, that most of the times have the upper hand over you. And you are. You're small and you're fragile. You have the soul in the eye, you have a heart that despite the scars, the disappointments still beats. It's still alive. And you, you who feel so tremendously imperfect, didn't you understand yet that you are simply true? Because you speak with your eyes, with your heart. You give value to every single thing. Every little thing is important to you, every word and every gesture. And no matter how many mistakes you will do because you are special as you are. With your imperfections, your faults, your mistakes and it doesn't matter if someone will judge you or talk badly about you... you, you know who you really are. Stay like this. Stay yourself always. And above all, trust me and stay by my side. Because despite everything and everyone, I will not go anywhere. I will always remain with you, I promise, because I really love you."

And after saying these words, I raised her face slightly, because since she was crying, throughout my speech Y/N had continued to look at the tip of her shoes, and bending slightly to meet her short height I kissed her. That was our first kiss and was the most beautiful ever. Because that was the only language that that little stubborn would have understood: my only way to end her jealousy.

❝ The end ❞