Be Rude but Love Me | ✔

CHAPTER 8

I back away further into the woods putting distance between us. It's gotten darker and I can no longer make out his shape but I can tell where he is with the help of the light he's holding. The soles of my feet press into the damp soil under me and I can hear twigs snap as I keep backing away.

I don't really know why I'm stepping away from him. Earlier in the day, I already convinced myself that Yann wouldn't lay a hand on me, yet here I am, creating more space between us as if afraid to be near him.

My back hits a tree and I stand still, watching him. He hasn't moved from his spot and hasn't spoken either since saying my name. He's like a phantom in the woods, silently observing me and honestly, it creeps me out a little bit and I wonder what he is going to do next. And soon I know what that is.

He talks.

"I would never hurt you, Tracy," he says.

His words don't really register through my dizzy mind. However, what does register is my first name. He's never called me by my first name before and I wonder what game he is playing.

"Why are you calling me Tracy?" I ask, my voice dubious.

It is an odd question to ask in this moment and I would like to see the look on his face right now. Surprise or annoyance? I'd vouch for the latter.

He takes a few seconds before he replies, "That's your first name, isn't it?" Surprisingly, there is no annoyance in his voice as he says the words.

"You know what I mean," I retort. "Why are you calling me Tracy now?"

I hear him sigh in the dark and the light goes up before falling back down, as if he just ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know, OK?" There is still no irritation in his voice as he speaks and I wonder if he's trying to keep it all at bay. "Can we go back? We were shit worried about you."

I scoff involuntarily. "Somehow I doubt you were."

What he does next has me pressing my back firmly into the bark behind me and wanting to make one with the tree. He walks to me and comes to stand right in front of me. He doesn't say anything at first. Then he raises the flashlight and shines it by the side of my face as to avoid blinding me. One hand reaches up and touches where the band aid is.

I flinch and he notices. He moves away from me and drops down the light.

"I'd never hurt you," he repeats.

I open my mouth to tell him I don't think he would, that the proximity of him is not what made me flinch – though I am not sure what made me – but the words stay trapped in my throat.

When he speaks next, his voice is uncharacteristically defeated. "Come on, let's go."

"I am not getting in a car with you," I say and stay where I am.

The thought of being in the same car as he scares me tonight and even though I doubt what's happened can repeat itself a second time today, I don't feel comfortable sharing a car with him. At least, not tonight.

He's very quiet for a moment. Then he says, "OK."

I walk behind him as he leads the way. We walk in silence, not having much to say to one another, really. Only the weird noises of the night and our feet on dead leaves and twigs disturb the quiet of the woods.

At some point, I hear him talk into a phone to Ellie or Will, "I've found her. We are coming back."

I wonder how come it's him that came looking for me and not Ellie or Will but I don't ask him. My steps are tentative, careful not to hit anything that could make me fall. I might be fully awake and the headache might be gone now, but any visibility is reduced as the night falls and I have to lean against the trees at times. As I look up at the sky and see the moon, I wonder how long I have been sleeping and how long they have been looking for me.