Red vs Blue Season 5: Male OC

Rvb S5 E7 "Strong Male Figure"

Outside Of Blue Base
To the blues, standing in front of Tucker abomination.

Church: So this is it, Tucker. This is your little monstrosity. Your little abomination of nature.

Tucker: Uh, what do I do?

Church: Why're you asking me?

Tucker: I don't know how to be a dad. This isn't the way I planned it.

Wade: You planned on being a dad?

Tucker: No no, I mean I always wanted to have the ideal father-son relationship. You know, where I see him for like eight hours every other weekend and send cheques to some woman I hate.

Wade: That's what you always wanted?

Caboose: It's emotional conversations like this that make me miss my mom.

Church: Alright look, let's leave these two alone. Let 'em do a little bonding.

Tucker: Hey don't leave me here with him, what'm I s'posed to say?

Caboose: Ask him if he likes baseball.

Wade: It's an alien baby, Caboose.

Caboose: Ask him if he likes T-ball.

Church: Alien, Caboose. Alien was the key word in Wades sentence.

Tucker: Seriously, don't go. I don't even know where to start.

Wade: He's your son, surely theirs something you guys can bond over.

Church: Besides the fact, he's part of an alien race whose only purpose seems to be to tell huge, grandiose lies to people, so that they can seduce them, and then impregnate them. So, why don't you start with that? You know, common ground.

Tucker: Yeah I think I'll just stick to baseball.

Caboose: Tell him about how his dad got to third base with you.

Church: Caboose!

Wade: I guess his dad did get a home run with you.

Church: Don't you start to Wade!

Sarge Grave
To the reds, standing in front of Sarges grave.

Grif: So how much oxygen do you think Sarge has in his suit?

Simmons: Oxygen?

Grif: Yeah, you know, to breathe and stuff.

Simmons: Oh, you know, probably like three hours depending on his level of activity.

Leo: Let's just hope in those three hours, he changes his mind about this.

Grif: And he is buried six feet underground. I don't think he's got much chance for activities.

Simmons: Well, I don't think you guys had an authority.

Leo: Authority?

Grif: We didn't even use a coffin, we just threw a buncha dirt on him.

Simmons: No; I threw a bunch of dirt on him. Leo just stood by watching, while you two only pretended to help and made a bunch of digging noises with your mouth!

Leo: I wasn't going to help bury, Sarge!

Grif: (To Sister) You know that trick?

Sister: I learned from the best!