Bechloe: BELONG

Chapter 2 (Pain)

Beca had reread the text probably a hundred times since she'd gotten it.

She had attempted about a million different replies, but none of them actually survived the 'delete' button.

I mean… how do you say to the person who still meant the most to you 'I'm sorry I left you hanging after we hooked up' through a text message?

She was pretty sure she knew how Chloe kept getting her number. That was the easy part to figure out. Aubrey. And yet every year, she still received a text from Chloe for her birthday.

Beca still couldn't figure it out. Why did Chloe even bother? Why would she still care enough to even text her? Hadn't she done enough damage?

It reminded her of why she never got close to people to begin with, in the end, she only hurt everyone.

It didn't mean she didn't think about the redhead… like all the time. She had refused to talk to Aubrey and Jesse about anything regarding Chloe. She just hoped she was happy. She imagined that she had moved on and maybe even had a little miniature Chloe running around her perfect two-story white-picket fence house. But, Beca didn't let herself think about that too often, it still caused her physical pain at the thought of seeing Chloe again and seeing Chloe with someone else hurt even more.

Beca knew it was selfish to think such things. Five years ago Chloe had whispered into her ear that she loved her. That she belonged. And she believed Chloe. That was never the problem.

The problem was Beca never believed that she was worthy. She didn't belong.

She kept staring at the iPhone screen in her hand, wishing that another text would come through from the redhead. Was Chloe even still a redhead?

Chloe was still the person that knew her best, and she was the person that would know what to say to her to get her heart rate to slow back to a normal person's level.

"Sorry…Uhhh… Miss Mitchell?" An assistant with a clipboard approached pulling her headset down around her shoulders. Beca slowly lifted her eyes from the vacant iPhone screen feeling defeated. "Sorry to interrupt, you're on in five." The P.A. headed off yelling instructions to the others hustling around waiting for the show to start.

"Ready to go rock star?" Jesse approached with a plate of fruit from craft services. "Hey, you okay? You're looking a little pale, Becs?"

"I…. Ummmm….. I feel….. Water…." Beca managed out. The room was suddenly spinning and she was lightheaded and nervous.

"Here." Jesse handed over his water to her quickly as she downed it. Make-up immediately rushed to her, retouching anything that may've gotten out of place. Beca still wasn't used to that.

"Thanks, Jess…. I'm just feeling a little…." Beca was just at a loss of words. She needed to get her shit together for this interview, and in that moment more than anything she wished Chloe was here to help the ache.

"What's going on, Beca? You've done this a million times…" Jesse asked, his eyes full of concern.

"I know… I just…. You're right. You're right. It's Fallon. It will be fine, talking about the album; nothing personal… it's fine. It's fine." Beca said pacing back-and-forth biting the edge of her thumbnail. She spoke as though she was trying to reassure herself.