Kismat

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Well hello xD

Here's chapter twenty-one. I'm insanely proud of this chapter, though it took a few heartbreaks to write this one.

It's hard to write about something when you yourself don't understand what's happening to you. To articulate that unknown feeling in words is so so difficult. I hope you all understand that it takes time to word and perfect the chapters to say exactly what the author wants to say.

The song for the chapter is Mohabbat Tumse Nafrat Hai. (Quite fitting, nahi? 😉)

Enjoy! ♥

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Sakinah's POV

A tense silence settled in the clearing, nearly suffocating both of us. I breathed slowly through my nose, trying to stay determined.

For the second time, Shehry stepped behind me but this time, he stood still with his hand poised over my wrist. The heat emitted from his body, even through the heavy jacket, made me aware of every miniscule movement he made.

This time when he twisted me around to face him, it was a merciless maneuver, knocking the air out of my lungs. His eyes held broken glass, tears shimmering like precious jewels but never falling. There was a stiffness in his muscles that told of how close he was to losing his self-control.

The last time I'd seen such a heartbroken expression, it had been Ayaan's, but he had hidden much of the emotions from me. Shehry wasn't hiding anything from me, letting me see exactly what he was suffering through. The rawness of his expression almost did me in, but I steeled my backbone, refusing my heart's complaints.

"Sakinah..." He stopped, at a loss for words. Finding his raspy voice again, he continued. "Agar tumhein shaadi nahi karni, toh mat karo. Bhool jaate hai ke maine kabhi shaadi ka naam bhi liya tha. Lekin mujhe chod kar kyun jaa rahi ho?"

"Shehryaar, tum samajh nahi rahe ho. Agar hum aise hi saath rahe, toh tumhein bohot badnaami uthaani padegi. Mehz iss liye kyun ki tum mujhse judh chuke ho. Behtar yehi hai, ke hum iss silsile ko yaheen khatam kar de." I spoke emotionlessly, without looking straight at him. I felt my words cutting deep, both my heart and his.

"Silsile? Hamari mohabbat ko tum sirf ek silsile ka naam de rahe ho?" I stayed silent at the question. The melancholy seemed to have been replaced by agony. His voice grated on my sensitive emotions.

An emotionless laugh burst from his chest as he took a shaky step back, shaking his head in disbelief. "Mujhe yakeen hi nahi aa raha ke tum wohi Sakinah ho jis se mujhe dil-o-jaan se mohabbat ho gayi thi; jis ke liye maine apne saare adam-e-tahaffuz bhoola diye aur poore dil se chaha. Jis ke saamne maine khushi khushi saare hathyaar daal diye the."

"Log nahi badalte. Logon ke haalaat badalte hai, jin mein woh majboor ho kar aise iqdaamat karte hai jo unke kirdaar se bilkul mukhtalif hote hai." At this, I locked eyes with him, allowing him to sense the determination in them. "Main nahi badli Shehryaar. Main wohi ki wohi hoon. Mujhe yeh faisla pehle hi le lena chahiye tha. Shayad hamari kismat mein yeh judai hi likhi hai."

He closed the distance between us once more, holding me gingerly by the shoulders. "Yeh kismat tum khud likh rahi hoon. It doesn't need to be like this Sakinah."

I tore myself from his grasp, my voice unintentionally yelling at him. "Yes it does Mr. Shehryaar Asif! Main musalsal tumhein samjhaati jaa rahi hoon, tum samajhne ki koshish kyun nahi kar rahe? Tumhaare ghar mein mujhe tawaif ka naam de diya gaya tha! Sab ke saamne hamari mohabbat pe sawal uthe, hamari pakeezgi pe sawal uthe. Maybe you didn't read in between Parveen Aunty's words, but I did! I knew what she was insinuating, and I knew it very well. Now if you continue to associate with me, you think people won't talk? If we suddenly get married out of nowhere, it won't be suspicious to anyone?" At this point, I was nearly yelling at him, my throat growing hoarser with each emotionally punctuated word that escaped my mouth.