Full Circle

Chapter 14 - Undoing

Disclaimer: The Thai agency mentioned is a work of fiction. If there is indeed such an agency, please excuse my usage.

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Phana POV

I wake up in my dorm room feeling fine. I glance at the clock and my mind begins to panic. I immediately grab a syringe on my bedside table and inject myself. It's been a long while since I slept comfortably that I almost missed my shot this morning. I release a sigh of relief as soon as I feel the drug spread through my body.

What to do today? First order of business, clean up. I step in the shower and, surprisingly, even the water feels nice. It doesn't sting anymore, so I take my time cleaning myself, especially since I only got to clean the lower half of my body after my first episode yesterday.

Since getting my initial dose last night, my body doesn't feel the pain that's constantly there since my symptoms started. I also haven't had another attack since then. Weird. Weirdly good. I must not get my hopes up though.

As I step out of the bathroom, I check my bedside table for my medicines. Dr. Prachaya only gave me a week's supply because he said that this type of painkiller is highly potent and has very high toxicity to the point that the Thailand Drug Enforcement Agency closely monitors its distribution and consumption. The drug is also not readily available anywhere and can only be obtained through certified and accredited doctors of the agency.

"Come back to me once you run out of these," Dr. Prachaya told me when I visited his clinic right after my second episode yesterday. I was in my car trying to pull myself together after breaking up with Yo just a moment ago when I saw the blinding light again, followed by the electrocution and temporary paralysis. Luckily for me, the attack didn't happen while I was with Yo, otherwise he would've found out about my case and possibly put himself in danger. It was after I felt the excruciating pain of the attack for the second time that I was able to convince myself that I did the right thing. I surely don't want my baby to experience the same deadly episodes, not to mention the constant burning feeling of my insides since my symptoms started.

"Why only a week's supply, doctor?" I asked Dr. Prachaya.

"Two reasons. One, because there is a limit as to the legal amount we can give patients. To exceed the limit, we must inform and request permission from TDEA first due to the drug's risks and side effects. Two, because I doubt this will still be effective after a week," he told me.

"So I will only feel relief for a week then it's hell for me again?"

"Once you run out of supply or if they no longer work, I will give you something stronger. Its potency is potentially fatal, that's why it's a hairline away from being banned by TDEA."

"Will these drugs stop the episodes I had earlier?"

"Possibly. Previous patients responded to those drugs," he answered.

I smile a little to myself. That's a consolation. At least I won't suffer as much as I thought before dying. But fate just loves proving me wrong. "However, it will be premature and unwise to get your hopes up," Dr. Prachaya said, giving me a sad look.

I look at him quizzically.

"Previous patients responded to the drugs in terms of the physical suffering. However, their bodies continued to deteriorate even when they didn't feel any pain," he paused for a while and looked at me before continuing. "There will also be a stage that even those drugs won't work anymore."

"And that's the stage when patients beg for sedation or the... or the alternative means?" I asked him teary eyed and deflated.

"Yes. The fact that no one has survived the disease still remains, Phana. I'm sorry."