The unsettling truth can settle your soul

Apologies and confessions (Chapter 13)

"I'm sorry." Feyre whispers. They had been sitting on the floor for a few minutes, in comfortable silence. "What for?" Lucien asks, tilting his head. "For being such a mess. You both deserve to be happy and I wish I could do that but I just can't." Her voice was full of emotion. She didn't deserve all of their kindness and patience. "Feyre darling. You do make me happy. Both you and Lucien make me the happiest I have been in months. I just wish you would see that we will still want you even if its only after 10 minutes or 10 years. We will wait." Rhys caresses her cheek. "I-I don't know what to do. You guys make me so happy. Happier then Tamlin ever made me. But I can't move on that quickly. You guys deserve better than to be a re-bound." She tried to explain her thoughts. "I know I'm not a re-bound and I know Rhys' isn't either. The day you finally broke it of with Tamlin I could see the emotions on your face. I'm not a re-bound, nor will I ever think that." Lucien reassures her, stroking her arm. She sits in the middle of the two most important people in her life and thinks about the decision she has to make. "Rhys?" She whispers, looking him in the eyes. "Yes?" His voice soft, yet strong and sure. "Cassian said you loved me. Is that true?" He stiffens at her words. "Do you want it to be?" He questions, grabbing Lucien's hand for reassurance and to include him in this conversation. She glances at Lucien and she see's no jealousy or hurt in his eye. Looking back at Rhys' she nods her head so slightly she is surprised that either of them see. "Then yes. Yes I do." Feyre was shocked at his reply. She honestly expected him to laugh in her face. She grabs his face and brings his lips to join hers. The kiss was everything she had hoped it would be and more. His lips were soft and he kissed her like she was made of glass, there was no hunger in the kiss, just love. Breaking away from the kiss, she hears him whimper at the loss of contact. She turns her head to look at Lucien, glancing at his lips she leans forwards, asking for permission. He launches himself towards her and kisses her deeply. His kiss was so different from Rhys' but equally as meaningful. His kiss was intense and rough, but still showed the same amount of love as Rhys' did. Once again breaking away from the kiss, she bit her lip and looked at the both of them. They were both looking at her in awe. "You only have to wait 10 minutes." She whispers, taking of the shirt Lucien had given her. It fell to the floor, exposing her body. Both of them understood that this was not a sexual gesture but one of trust. She trusted them with her body and boy would they worship it and show her how wonderful she was. But not tonight. "What do you want Feyre?" Rhys asks. "I want to be with you. Both of you. I want a relationship." She stares both of them in the eyes, showing them all of her emotions. The confusion, the fear and the love. "I want you both too." Lucien replied, looking at her and Rhys. "Me too" Rhys replied. "Can we go to sleep now? I'm tired and I just want to get to tomorrow and wake up in both your arms." She asks, grabbing both of their hands. "Of course Feyre darling." Rhys stands up dragging both her and Lucien behind him. He climbs into the bed and pulls Feyre down next to him. Lucien follows close behind, dragging the duvet. He lays down on the other side of Feyre and places the duvet over the three of them. Rhys wraps his arms around her bare waist and slings his leg over her legs. Lucien rests his head on her chest and slings his arm over her hips, resting it on Rhys' butt. Feyre rests her head on top of Lucien's and entwines her legs with Rhys', wrapping her arm around Rhys and Lucien's arms. She falls asleep almost instantly.

She wakes up hours later, at a normal time, to the smell of pancakes wafting through the slightly opened door. Looking to her right she sees Lucien still fast asleep, nestled into her side. She smiles slightly at the adorable sight. She didn't want to move but the smell was so enticing that she slipped out of his hold. Padding into the living room, she can see Rhys at the stove, perfectly flipping a pancake. "Well done" She smirks, sitting at the counter. Rhys jumped and turned around. "Jesus Christ! You scared me Feyre darling." He shook his head at her in a disapproving manner, which would have been much more intimidating if he hadn't have been smiling from ear to ear. She stuck out her tongue and winked at him. "Very mature." He comments whilst continuing to make their breakfast. "It smells amazing. How did you learn to cook so well?" She questions, smelling the air. "My mother taught me." He replied, his demeanor changing suddenly. Sensing that this was a subject he didn't want to share, she changed the subject. "Lucien's still asleep. I never knew he was so lazy." She tries to joke. "Yeah, he's always been like that. You could never get him up before noon on the weekends." He says, laughing at the memory. "Can I ask you something?" Feyre asks, biting her lip, nervous. "Always." Rhys replies, his back still facing her, hiding his face. "Did you and Lucien break up because of Tamlin?" She was fairly certain that she knew the answer to her question but she needed to know for sure. Rhys sighed, turning of the hob and turning to face her. "Yes. He was, is, very homophobic and considering Lucien is Pan, he didn't see why he would date a man. For some time he refused to let Lucien see me. In the end we just couldn't work whilst Tamlin was still influencing Lucien." Feyre never wanted to see him look this sad again. It was obvious that this subject hurt to talk about but Feyre needed to know. "I'm sorry." She didn't know what else to say, so she stood up and walked around the counter. Enveloping him in a hug. "Don't be Feyre darling. I have him now and I have you." He returned her hug and rested his forehead against hers. Looking into her eyes, he kissed the tip of her nose, making her giggle. "You are so beautiful." He whispers, staring so strongly at her it took her breath away. "So are you." She says back, unwrapping an arm from his waist and stroking his cheek. He leant forward slightly, glancing at her lips. Nodding, Feyre captured his lips in hers, kissing him gently. Their lips moving in sync, filling her stomach with butterflies. Breaking apart, she kept her eyes closed, leaning her forehead against his, sighing contently. They step away from each other after a second and continue starring at one another. "I'm going to try and wake up Luc." Feyre says, as Rhys starts to plate the pancakes he had made.

She slips into the bedroom and tiptoes towards a sleeping Lucien. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she starts to stroke his arm, trying to gently wake him up. After a minute of trying to wake him up gently and getting no response, she gives up. Thinking of another approach she slips into the bed and starts to lightly brush her lips against his neck. As he starts to stir, she lifts her head and looks into his eyes as they open sleepily. "Why'd you stop?" His voice husky from sleep. "Rhys made breakfast." She doesn't answer his question but quickly pecks his lips. He pouts as she pulls away, and tries to reclaim her lips. "Time to wake up." She teases, getting out of the bed and gently pulling at his hand, encouraging him to get up. Groaning, he stands up and lifts his arms above his head, stretching. Taking his hand again, Feyre leads him into the main room and sits at the kitchen island. "Look who finally decide to grace us with his presence" Rhys smirks, "Well I was woken up very nicely." Lucien replied, winking at Feyre. "Should I be jealous?" Rhys jokes. "Considering we were just making out, I would say no." Feyre raises an eyebrow. She was surprised at how little jealousy there was from all of them. "Where's my make out sesh." Lucien pouts, making both Feyre and Rhys laugh. "Never say that again." She and Rhys say at the same time. Turning to look at one another, Feyre burst into fits of giggles whilst Rhys just chuckles lightly. Rhys sets a plate of perfect looking pancakes in front of Lucien and gently kisses his lips, doing the same for Feyre.

They sit and eat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Lucien turns to Feyre with a serious expression on his face. "Yes Luc?" She questions, raising an eyebrow. "What are we?" Lucien asks, gaining Rhys attention. With both of them looking at her, she starts to get nervous and nibbles at her bottom lip. "I-I want us to be together. But I want to take things slow, it's still so soon after Tamlin. But you two can go as fast as you want. I don't want to hold back your relationship. In fact maybe I shouldn't even be in the equation. You guys are probably better of without me." She rambles, spilling her fears into the daylight. She looks up, waiting for their response but is shocked at what she see's. They both have matching hurt expressions. "Why do you think like that?" Rhys whispers, searching her face. She shrugs, not knowing the answer or not wanting to admit to the answer. "We want you, you are not holding us back. We wantyou." Lucien says trying to show her how true his words were. "Are you sure?" She stares at her lap, not quite believing him. "No," Rhys says. Feyre could literally feel her heart break. "We don't want you. We need you. Or at least I know I do. I need both of you. This is the happiest and most content I have ever been. I need you both so much, I now realize how much it hurt without you." Rhys grabs both of their hands and looks deeply into their eyes. "It was torture seeing you at work everyday and not being able to kiss you and hold you or just express how I felt. Especially when I could see Tamlin breaking you and I could do nothing but sit back and watch the women I love fall apart." By the end of his speech all three of them had tears in their eyes. "I love you too." She whispers, staring at both of them. Trying to convey how deeply she felt those words towards the both of them. Lucien looked shocked, but soon recovered and lunged forward and kissed her deeply. She could see fireworks behind her eyes. His kiss was hungry, his lips exploring hers. Breaking away from the kiss, Lucien turned to Rhys and kissed him, taking him by surprise. Lucien kissed him with the same hunger that he had kissed her with. She realized that she had never seen them kiss before, but now that she had she never wanted to look away. It was the hottest thing she had ever seen. As they broke from the kiss, Rhys looked at her with hunger in his eyes. "How fast is to fast?" His voice was husky with desire. "I want our first time with Feyre to be special Rhys," Lucien reminds, putting a hand on his leg. "And an hour before you go to work isn't exactly special." Rhys curses. "Stupid work" Rhys pouted. "Tomorrow's the weekend. We have two days to take advantage off." Feyre says, though she can't help but agree with Rhys. She didn't want him to leave.

After they had cooled down and talk for a while, Rhys left for work, leaving Feyre and Lucien alone. "I miss him already." Feyre laughs at the pout on Lucien's lips. "Me too." She replies, still chuckling.