Deadpool's Day Out

Part 1: Rise and Shine and WTF?!?

Author's Note: I do not own any of the characters featured in this story. They are copyrighted by Marvel. This is just a fun, random, non canon story. Hope you enjoy it and please feel free to comment and give me your opinions (nothing hateful, you can offer constructive criticism, but name calling and trolling is off limits). So, with all that being said, let's get on with the story.

I woke up to the sun beaming down on my face (or mask, I should say since I don't really go out in public without it for obvious reasons).
I put my hand to my forehead to keep the sun out of my eyes for a moment. "Uggh, my head feels like a thousand construction workers are drilling into my skull with jackhammers."
I groaned as I opened my eyes and sat up.

I immediately looked down at my suit and saw that it was torn in multiple places, and covered in blood (my blood or someone else's, it's a mystery I tells ya!).
I then looked around at my surroundings, and asked myself "Where the hell am I?"
I soon realized that I was in Central Park.

There were beer cans and bottles, liquor bottles, and dead bodies everywhere (at least I think they were dead. Half of them could just be passed out).
Anyway, some of the bodies were in tact, others were scattered into bloody pieces (you know, heads, shoulders, knees, and toes).
One guy was hung up on the sword of a statue in the middle of all this wreckage by his underwear with a knife in his chest.
Not gonna lie, I laughed a little bit (what a humiliating way to go).

I then turned to my left and saw a white limo that had crashed into a large tree (not into the trunk, either.
It was literally up in the tree, like someone flew it up there).
"Well at least the birds have a swanky new bird house. So spacious! (And so much nicer than that craphole I call home)."
As soon as I said that I saw something move out of the corner of my eye.
I turned in that direction to see a half naked woman passed out a couple of yards away from me.

"Ha ha, looks like the Wade man got lucky last night (I'm not a religious man, but hallelujah!)".
However, as soon as I saw the woman's face, all of the pieces started to come together, and I recalled everything that happened the day before that led me up to this point.

So, dear readers, you're probably wondering,
"What the hell happened here?"
Well, it's a long story.
So if you don't want to hear it, then go read some other fan fiction (also, screw you).
And if you do, then sit back, relax, and allow me to spin my yarn.

Author: Uh, Wade, it's 2019, I don't think anyone says "spin my yarn" anymore.
Well I just did. Also, who asked you, author lady?
Whatever.
Anyway, it all started yesterday morning, at approximately 7:00 AM........

7:00 AM
Yesterday Morning

(Alarm went off and the radio started playing)

Author's Note: When you see the * symbol, I recommend playing the song located above the paragraph to make reading the story more immersive. If you see the ## symbols, that means you can stop the music. And FYI, you don't have to do this, but like I said I thought it would make the story more immersive. Anyway, sorry for interrupting the story, so please read on.

*I sprung out of bed and started humming the song playing on the radio while I picked out a suit from my closet.
"Hmm, black and red? Soooooo last season! Ugh, this one makes me look fat! (Fat mercs are NOT very intimidating, I know first hand)."

Then finally I found the the suit I was looking for.
"Aha! My favorite suit! Red and black and it hugs me in all the right places! (Makes my ass look great!)"
I put it on while singing the song on the radio: "Havana ooh na na!
Half of my heart is in Havana ooh na na! He took me back to east Atlanta na na na!"
Then I looked in the mirror for a quick inspection.
And in my best gay voice yelled "Fabulous!" as my stamp of approval. Then I turned off the radio and went into my living room.

## I looked at my day planner to see what I had on schedule (yes I have a day planner, don't judge me!).
And I saw that today TV Land was a having an all day Golden Girls marathon (my heart warmed at the thought of getting to see my beloved Bea Arthur all day).
Then suddenly I was snapped out of my daydream by a low but loud rumbling sound.
"Man, am I starving!"

I went to look in the fridge for some grub, but it was empty, save for a couple of beer bottles.
"I guess I'm going to have to go get some food." I said to myself.
"Should I get pizza? Nah. Chinese? No."

So I stood there thinking for a moment until I came to an obvious conclusion.
"Duh! I'll go to the new Mexican restaurant down the street and order a shit ton of tacos!
Then I can gorge myself on my favorite food while watching my favorite show!"
"This is going to be the best day ever!" I declared (I had no idea how wrong I was at the time).

So I grabbed some weapons (never know when you'll need them), and walked out the door of my apartment. And as I started walking down the sidewalk, I thought to myself
"I'll just walk down the street, grab a bunch of tacos, and come back. What could possibly go wrong?"

That's the end of this chapter. The next chapter will be published very soon. Don't forget to tell me what you think of the story so far, vote, and have a nice day!