Deadpool's Day Out

Part 4: Along Came A Spider

I was soooooooo exhausted. Here it was 11 AM, and I've already had to deal with more crazy shit than most people probably have to deal with in one week (and their form of crazy probably doesn't even compare with mine!).

The only bright highlight of my day so far was getting paid a cool half a mil (after having to deal with a Chinese Vin Diesel and his ninja brigade). Speaking of, I felt a sudden twinge of pain in my left shoulder blade as I was walking. I reached back and pulled out a leftover ninja star from my "battle". I looked at it, grumbling "Stupid ninjas." as I tossed it aside.

"I don't want to see another ninja again for a very, very, VERY long time!" I yelled at no one in particular. I was mainly venting to myself, since I really have no one to talk to (call it a downside of being who I am and my chosen profession).

That's one reason why I would like to join the Avengers. I want to be part of something good for once in my miserable life. I want to be accepted for who I am. I don't want to be alone anymore.
That's actually really touching, Wade. You've got me nearly all choked up.
"Consider it a rare look at my inner thoughts and feelings." I replied to the author. "Emphasis on rare, so don't expect me to do this often."

Moving on from the mushiness, I continued to walk down the street, visions of tacos and the Golden Girls dancing in my head. Then suddenly I heard the wail of sirens in the distance. I stopped and listened to see if I could figure out where they were going.

After a minute of listening, I realized that they were getting closer. They were headed this way. Probably to investigate and clean up the bloody pancake that was Mr. Chung, and the bits and pieces of the aforementioned ninjas on the other side of the block.

I decided I needed to hurry up and skedaddle out of here before I had to deal with further complications (because in a police investigation, the top suspect is always the Merc in a red and black suit armed to the teeth with weapons that just so happened to be in the area at the time of the particular individual's demise).

Honestly I think the cops are a little biased. Anyway, I started running away and was turning the corner when I felt something sticky stick to my back. An all too familiar feeling.

Suddenly I was pulled backwards and the next thing I knew I was stuck to the wall of a building by nearly unbreakable white webbing. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure swing right above me. I didn't even have to look up to realize it was none other than Spider-Man.

I watched Spidey lower down by a web rope and drop down to his feet. It didn't take long for me to think of something to say.
"Hey Spidey, how's it hanging, to the left or to the right? Mine's hanging to the-"
"Can it Deadpool!" Spider-Man barked at me.

Sheesh. Clearly he's in a mood. "What? Can't a guy make a little light hearted conversation?"
"I'm not in the mood, nor am I here for light hearted conversation! And even if I was, I certainly wouldn't be talking to you!"
Ouch. That actually stung a little.
"Aw, come on, Spidey, don't be like that. And if you don't want to talk why have you webbed me to the wall? Which by the way is very kinky."

His eyes widened as he stood there silently for a moment. And though he was wearing a mask, I could tell that Spider-Man's face was flushed. From disgust or intrigue, I wasn't sure. That is, until what he said next.

"First off, ew. Like seriously, just ew. Second, I webbed you up because I wanted to conduct an interogation." My eyes perked up.
"Oh, well why didn't you just say so? I'll start. I'm 8 1/2 inches, bondage is my personal preference, and I'm down with being either the top or the bottom."
Spidey's eyes widened again, this time he stood there silently for at least a few moments. I think he was stunned.