Church Boy (Kellic)

Twenty-six

"Us?" I probably sounded dumb but it's okay because I know I am being so dumbly confused right now but I need to set things up with Vic right now. Jenna and I already established how messy everything has been going around me and I don't want to add things to that. I just want to one-by-one fix things.

Vic nods, eyebrows meeting together into a line. "Yeah. We have a thing going on between us, right?"

I nod slowly, my head clouded with so much thoughts and slight panic, all of a sudden "Yes but Alan- I, we're-"

"He's your boyfriend?" Though the word sounded so foreign and exciting to me, I snapped myself out of it. Vic asked me slowly mentioning the last word carefully and voice barely above a whisper, his eyes instantly looked so sad that it almost broke my heart into tiny, little pieces.

I shake my head a little. "No, not yet. But we're trying things out."

"Not yet?" He asks, giving emphasis on a certain word, eyebrows curious and almost looking worried. I took note of how his shoulders tensed, too. "Are- so, you do like this kid, huh?" He asks in wonderment, eyes wandering away from me his back resting defeatedly against the stiff and old bench.

"I mean, he asked me out on a proper date, that's why we were in the fair in the first place and, I don't know. He's nice and he's lovely."

"A proper date?"

"Yeah. I mean, you never really asked me out on a date before, Vic."

"We hung out, right? I mean-"

"But it's different. Alan's just- he's sweet and he shows me that he likes me - he shows it to everyone and he, um, he isn't confusing." I murmur the last part because I feel so small and shy now but by this point, is that even a shocker anymore? Vic has that effect on me, still.

Vic took my hand in his, lacing our fingers together, looking so casual and natural whereas I feel like my cheeks are going to melt away do to the blood rushing to them. Gosh, feelings really are confusing and overwhelming! "But- but it isn't that easy, Kells. It isn't that easy for me. I like you so fucking much but my dad he's- he's just a fucking asshole."

"I know, I know." I say but I don't know, not entirely, no. I only know what he told me and that's that. I know that based on his story, his dad sounds horrible and rude especially to his own sons but to what extent do I really understand? Like, really, deeply understand?

"Please just, I really like you, Kells." And if I could even blush harder than I already am, I probably did just that because ever since I saw Vic doing whatever he does in that altar one Sunday morning, I couldn't shake off the fact that I was already drawn to him. I found him attractive and then I got the privilege of knowing him, the true him and everything between each layers and I was a goner, just like that. I am way past being attracted to his looks.

"I don't know, Vic." I sigh and I see him physically deflate with just a one-liner. "I need to think, okay? You, too. Just think about everything and- and we can talk more about this, about us some other time." I say, already standing up, pulling my hand away from his and within a split second, I already regret doing that. I already regret pulling my hand away from him because I missed this, I missed him so much and through such conflicting and overlapping feelings towards two people, I couldn't deny my feelings for him. They are still pretty much present.

"When are we gonna see each other again?" He looks up at me, looking hopeful and for once I'm going to use cute to describe Vic, maybe just this once.

"I'll call you, or text you. Just- we just need to think first, okay? We both need time to think, like, away from each other."

"I don't think I can take being away from you again, Kells." He shakes his head, a dry chuckle following afterwards and my heart couldn't decided whether I should feel sad or comforted with that thought. I discovered that I don't like seeing a sad Vic. I like it whenever I could make him smile because I know for sure he could make me smile with a use of his smooth words.