Love Ain't Always Easy (YouTuber Fanfiction)

Chapter 1: Clouded Thoughts

Though Autumn was on its way, Summer still stayed current. The heat wouldn't go just yet, and the only way to stay cool would to be home all day long. Alex isn't that kind of person, though. He wanted to go out, and heat wouldn't stop him. Even if it felt like his greatest mistake, going out in the heat, the excuse of going to another air conditioned building was very useful. Otherwise the house occupants would think he's crazy. He absolutely hated lying, and to make up a weird reason to leave made him feel better. It also made everyone else question the answer, but Alex would always make sure he left before he got interrogated. He decided that when the first flake hit the ground, he'd whip out the sweaters and hot cocoa. Stay home and warm.

Alex sat in the cafe, glued to his phone. The only thing that was truly keeping him entertained. The place kept quiet and clean, for the evening. Only a worker stayed to tidy up the tables and chairs. A hard-working woman who cleaned plates for a living. Alex would love to strike up a conversation with her and see what she is all about. Yet he had no idea how.

She came over to his table with a towel and cleaning spray. Without a word, without a glance, he picked up his mug to let her wipe his "mess". His head still straight, he looked up with nothing but his eyes. Her name tag read "Toluwase". Underneath it, in tiny writing, it read; "Zarkson." Must've been her last name. He quickly looked back at his phone as the mug gently hit the polished wood. The lady went to wash more tables, swiftly moving throughout the tiny restaurant.

This extra time he had to go on his phone helped him find his inner peace. Happy, content; mostly. He loved it when he had him, and his thoughts. That's it. But its nice to have company sometimes. He loved his family and friends, but though he lived with a bunch of other people, he often felt alone. But usually he just needed himself. Yet after he fought with himself over his identity, after he needed a good cry, he still needed nothing but himself. It felt like the best he had. And he truly felt that. Though it was very difficult, he told himself one day everything will turn out fine. He hoped to find himself soon.

When the lady disappeared behind the counter, the bell above the door rang. He looked up to see who entered.

"Whats up, buttercup?" Alex thought it was such a classic and rhyme-y way for someone to greet another human being.

"The sky," he smirked, still not looking up from his phone. Jordan pulled the chair across from him out from under the table. She turned it around and sat, resting her arms on the top rail. He finally put the phone down.

Once he looked at her, Jordan's face lit up like a light bulb.

"Finally, off the phone!" she giggled. "Whaddya doin' on that thing, anyway?"

"Keeping myself entertained. One needs something to do when waiting for their girlfriend." she scowled, but it quickly turned into a smile. Once again, he smiled. But the smile quickly disappeared. So did hers, but faster. "You good?" she reached for his hand. He didn't dare pull away. Not that he didn't like her. He loved her.

Alex struggled to find the right words. He spat out the first thing that came to mind. He swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling like he was being watched.

"I-I don't feel like I'm being accepted or loved." he said, looking down, not knowing what to think and very hesitant to say a word. He hated it.

"You are accepted and loved. You are a funny YouTuber who has so many awesome fans. They love you. You have amazing friends, they love you, too. And I do, of course. You're the greatest boyfriend a girl could have," she smiled, hoping she helped.

"Thank you." he smiled. "You sure?"

"Of course. Also, you're cute," she smiled, tapping his nose, causing him to laugh which made her smile even more.

But did it help?

Before he could take a breath, Jordan's phone dinged. She reached into her pocket to see who it had been.

"Oop, I gotta go. I told Shay I'd drive her to her therapist appointment." Alex's mouth opened, about to question whether or not Shay had a car in the first place and what had happened to it, but she quickly answered before he could ask.

"Elijah's car broke down, and he usually drives Shay around." she spat out, in a rush.

"Gotcha." She stood and went to open the cafe door. "Love ya, Alex." she waved.

"Love you more," they both smiled and she left. Jordan wasn't the only one who hoped their words helped.

Her visit was short, though as long as she was content, Alex was satisfied. But it didn't last forever. He was a bit surprised about how long she had stayed. What a short conversation it was. Not that it was longer than usual, that'd be sad; but because it was shorter than usual. Jordan was always doing something, always busy. And Alex didn't know how he felt about it.

He came off as a pretty positive guy. But on the inside, he felt like a used, half-empty jar. Not a very warm and fuzzy feeling to have. Looking over at the empty tip jar on the cafe counter up front, he saw it as something to relate to.

The bell above the door rang, leaving the cafe quiet once again. Enjoying his quiet time, he took one deep breath. It'd be fine. He was about to pick his phone up when Jordan's seat became occupied, but not by Jordan. No, Jordan was too busy bringing Elijah and Shay to Shay's therapist appointment.