Sea Salt (Forbidden Love) (Editing)

Chapter Eighteen- Ocean

{Chapter Eighteen}

I shut my bedroom door behind me, still flabbergasted at the new information I just received.

It's almost like a generational curse...

Being left by your lover who helped to conceive your child and finding your love in a person who you can never be with.

The only thing that is different in my case is that my first love is the one who I can't be with.

Is it really worth it? This love? Is it really worth my life?

There are so many fish in the sea so why can't I leave this bad one alone? Why must I hold on to him and suffer?

A bitter laugh leaves my lips.

Who am I kidding?

Do you really think you could forget him, Summer? Know that he is there and not reach out to him?

Can you not desire to feel his warm embrace that holds such similarity to your mother's?

"There's no way out," I say softly to myself, painful tears running down my cheeks. "There's no way-"

Suddenly, the wind is knocked out of me, a pain piercing my heart. I grip the fabric of my shirt that rests above my chest, the burning pain causing my eyes to almost bulge out of my head and beads of sweat to wet my forehead.

It feels like millions of ice blocks are lying on top of my heart.  It's just like the burning sensation you get from placing salt and ice on your skin, only ten times worse.

Even though my mouth is wide open and the veins in my now rosy neck show from beneath my skin, not one sound is released from my throat.  All I am able to do is wither to the floor, tears being the only way to express my pain.

Finally, it stops.

I breathe in and out heavy breaths, fear invading my being at a whole new level.

What is happening to me? Is it already too late to even choose?

I slowly tuck my knees into my chest, my shoulders moving violently.

I'm scared.

I'm so scared.

For the hundredth time today, I bawl.  However, this time for myself.  Not for having to choose a path or because of my mother's death.  Instead, I cry from the fear of death that looms above my head, waiting for its chance to pounce on me.

Through my hazy vision, I see the smooth cover of my mother's journal as it lies on the floor in front of me.  I must've accidentally knocked it off of my bedside table during my pain.

I reach out to it, a yellow sheet of paper sticking out from the side. I pull the bright paper out from between the book leaves.

It is crisp in comparison to the tainted, ruffled pages of the journal. Did my mother recently write it?

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and unfold the paper.

Dear Summer,

I'm sorry for leaving so soon.  I'm sorry that I couldn't throw away my feelings.  Just know that I was happy.  Even through the pain, I never once regretted loving him.  Don't blame anyone for what happened to me and don't run away from something that could make you the happiest woman in the world. Love is the reason why we live.  Without it...we are nothing. Don't let my experience or the possible consequences of your choice hinder you.  Just follow your heart...It always knows best.  My only regret is having to leave you behind...I love you so much. You must stay strong through this storm or any in the future.

Goodbye, honey.

"Mum," I whisper before breaking down once again.

I think I know what I have to do. 

I can't run away from it.

I push myself off the ground and run out of the house, ignoring Granny's calls from the living room.  The rocks that litter the road stick the bottom of my feet but I don't care as I call out for the person I need to find.

"Mr.O!"

I continuously scream through the darkness that was brought by the night, stumbling onto the beach for the second time.

I hear shuffling come from behind me and turn around frantically to look.  Fluorescent, blue eyes look straight at me from within a group of trees.

"Come out." I say , breathing hard.  However, instead of him coming out, the eyes seem to get smaller and darker as he goes further away.

I charge forward, entering the vegetation and grabbing hold of him.

"Stop running away from me," I whisper, my grip tight on his arm.

"I don't want you to get hurt-"

"That is for me to decide, not you." I reply as his eyes plead for me to let him go. "My heart has already started to freeze."

His bright eyes immediately darken with fear. "What?"

"My heart is freezing," I repeat, taking in a deep breath to keep myself calm.

"No, no,no." He stumbles back before suddenly gripping my arms. "You need to go back to the city and never come back here, do you understand?"

"No," I say firmly. "I have nothing to return to.  Everyone who cares about me and everyone I love the most are here.  I will just return to loneliness."

"Summer-"

He starts to speak but I cut him off by crashing my lips onto his.  Warmth fills the pit of my stomach, my arms wrapping around his neck.

Suddenly, I feel my head start to tingle and before I know it, images flash through my mind at top speed.  All the memories that he made me forget rise to the surface and showcase themselves to me.  Scenes of us running around the Blowing Seaweed, eating popsicles on the shore and more fonds moments are painted in my mind.

However, one thing sticks out from all of it. The word-

"Ocean," I whisper as I pull away from the kiss.

That was it. His name.