21/08/2018
I get a panic attack and he screams. I get a panic attack and he gets mad. I get a panic attack and HE is done with all this shit.
How does he think I feel? Does he think I enjoy it? That I do it on porpose?
How can I calm down if all he does is make it worse? How can I catch my breath if he starts smoking next to me?
He says I give in but he is not the one fighting the deadly battle inside my mind to control my anxiety before the panic attack kicks in. He doesn't see the marks in my palms from digging my nails into it. He doesn't hear the million times I have to say "breathe", "calm down" and "you're safe" out loud. He doesn't fucking feel what I feel that gets me to a panic attack.
I know it's hard for him, being my father, and seeing me like this but he has to understand that it's hard for me too. Sometimes almost unbearable and I can't talk to him about it.
People say they understand what you're going through but they only understand what you say, never what you feel.
I love my dad, and he loves me but in this we just can't get along.
YOU ARE READING
Pieces of Me.
Non-FictionHi there, how are you? I hope you're okay. Like the title says, this book is made of pieces of me, sort of like a diary. Each chapter has its topic, message and feeling. I write it as my life goes on, pouring my heart out, mentioning a lot of the...
