➸ ten: a victim in the worldwide system
« you never know what is enough, until you know what is more than enough. »
We, as humans, choose to believe in things that are trust worthy. We have faith in things, in people and above all, we have faith in God. Under any circumstance, we believe in God and we pray to him. But sometimes, when irrevocable bad things happen in our life, we start to lose our faith in him. We start thinking that after all, there isn't any superior being in this entire universe. We are the master of our own self.
What I choose to believe, is that what happens in our life is directly or indirectly, the consequences our own doing. Fate is not a rigid construct but a great tragedy of life. Someway or the other, our bodies break down. Sometimes, when people hurt us, sometimes when we hurt people, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. Someone once said, "You can live with dignity, we can't die with it."
There is an evolutionary imperative why we feel what we feel. Why we feel hurt when people hurt us. Why we want to take revenge when we get hurt. It's like poking something. When we poke something with a stick, it pokes back. And just like that when someone does something bad to us, we want to do it back to them. It's unavoidable. It's just how we are.
We are messy, we all make mistakes. In fact, life itself is messy. That's just how we're made. Being an adult is totally overrated. When we become an adult, we have responsibilities on our shoulders. And responsibilites are scary as fuck.
Especially when we let it slip right through our fingers. All the weight falls down upon our shoulder.
And that's enough to terrify anyone.
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Revenge isn't always sweet. Payback isn't always a bitch. Sometime, revenge is bitter. It's much worse than what that person did to us. And payback, it's just karma. If you do something bad to someone, you cannot expect that person to just keep quiet and wallow herself in her own problems. We should always expect something back and prepare ourself for what is coming on to us. At a time like that, you should never ever ever let your guard down.
This advice was mainly directed to a person who is my least favorite person at the moment. Grace was stupid and I'd be fucking lying if I told you that I wasn't surprised by her stupidity.
Grace was always the smart one. The one who would know when to carry an umbrella by predicting the weather without even seeing the weather forecast. The one who would turn away a few seconds before something terrible happened in front of her eyes. She always knew what was going to happen. Like a pshychic.
She should have been expecting something from me but then again being the fucking wallflower that I was, it was obvious that no one would've expected anything. But I wasn't like her and there was no way in hell that I would let my walls down. I was ready to face whatever the heck she was planning on.
The dictionary defines revenge as the action of hurting or harming someone in return for an injury or wrong suffered at their hands. But revenge isn't just about that. It's something far greater and far worse than that. It's what we lean towards when we not only want to hurt someone but also when we want to destroy that person completely. Because what they did unto us was deep. And it was ugly.
What Grace did to me wasn't just ugly. It was appalling, awful, hideous and horrid. And what I did to her wasn't anything even close to that.
So all I could do now was wait for the hurricane that was coming my way in all its fury. I had to keep my eyes and ears open.
One blink, and I could miss it all.
