Hard To See (Gawsten)

eight

Trigger Warning: Brief Mention of Past Physical Abuse.

***

After stumbling through the crowded living room, Awsten finally finds his mom. Unfortunately, his dad is right next to her. He sighs and gathers his courage back up. Having his dad around already feels exhausting. How did he ever live like this?

He didn't. There's a difference between surviving and living.

The blond boy ignores his dad and approaches his mom, catching her attention. He opens his mouth to speak, but she beats him to it. "Awsten, your dad told me that you have friends in your room? You're supposed to ask first."

Idiot.

Awsten knows that if he doesn't navigate the situation just right, she'll get mad. Her getting mad will result in a resounding 'no' when he asks his question. She's always had a thing about Awsten bringing guests over without permission, but he hasn't had any friends to bring over in almost four years. He forgot.

Thinkthinkthink.

Panicking, he racks his brain for an excuse. How could he forget about her rule so easily? A few years ago, breaking a rule would've earned him a new bruise. He's been safe for too long- he doesn't remember how to survive these situations anymore.

That's when the water cascading down the nearby window catches his eye. It must've just started raining. "My friends and I were on our way back from town, and it started raining. My house was closest, so we came here. I'm sorry," he begins timidly. "I was wondering, actually, if I could go to Otto's house. He's my new friend. Geoff and Jawn are with us, too. They're new friends as well," he asks, his voice sounding more pleading than he would like it to.

His mom had never been too keen on him going to other people's houses, but that issue was years ago, so maybe she has a different opinion on it now.

She seems to think about it for a moment, and Awsten doesn't miss the way his dad looks at her expectantly. He expects her to say 'no' so Awsten will be home for a while. He probably intends to corner the blond boy. The thought makes a shiver run up his spine.

Awsten also doesn't miss the surprised look that graces his dad's face when his mother agrees to let him stay at Otto's house. "Don't bring them here without permission again, I'll see you tomorrow."

Awsten smiles.

***

Otto's house is much bigger than Awsten's. It has two floors with a fully renovated basement and attic. The attic is a space for Otto, Jawn, Geoff, and any other friends they might invite to hang out and sleep over together. The basement is it's own little apartment basically, with a living room, two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen.

"It's for when I decide to try living on my own. That way, I won't be too far away. I'm thinking of moving down sometime next year. It'll be like livin' in an apartment with upstairs neighbors," Otto explains, seeing Awsten's questioning look.

Awsten figures that Otto's parents must be loaded. This is an expensive house. No wonder they're always away on business trips.

"I'm gonna go ahead and let you know that Otto's house is way fuckin' cooler than mine, so don't expect another mansion when I invite you over," Jawn comments. Otto playfully punches his arm and mutters that his house isn't a mansion. Awsten agrees with Jawn. Compared to his tiny soot-stained house, this is a palace.

The blond boy giggles at Jawn and Otto's antics, and Geoff blushes at the sound.

Otto smirks.

"So what do you guys wanna do?" Jawn asks, seemingly unaware of the interaction.