Hard To See (Gawsten)

twenty-five

"I can't tell if they actually care- I feel like they do, but what if they don't? This situation just doesn't make sense," Awsten says, running a hand through his blue hair.

"For what it's worth, I think they do- especially Geoff," Alex responds, kicking his feet up onto the black coffee table in front of the couch.

The blue-haired boy stares down at his knees. He's curled up on the couch. After running into Geoff, he'd calmed down.

Alex had come home shortly after, and found him pacing behind the couch. He'd quickly put the small amount of groceries that he'd got away- with Awsten's help- as the blue-haired boy explained his current dilemma.

"Also, maybe you're catastrophizing- it might not be as bad as you think. Sure, they were hanging out with a dude that hurt you, but that doesn't mean they're doing his bidding," Alex adds on.

"I just don't understand any of this," Awsten mumbles. He knows Alex may be right, but can he take that risk?

Alex puts his feet back on the floor and leans forward. "You know what I don't understand? Science. I almost failed it last year," He says, then turns to look at Awsten. "This year I'm highest in the class. Wanna know why?"

The blue-haired boy furrows his eyebrows and nods, unsure of where Alex is going with this.

"I asked for help. Then, I started looking into all the things that I didn't understand. I figured it out because I didn't shy away from the topic."

Awsten remains silent, but the pink-haired boy can tell he understands what he's getting at.

"I know you're not exactly the confrontational type, but maybe you should talk to Geoff- demand some answers."

"What if he tells me that I'm right- that it's exactly what I think it is," Awsten whispers.

Alex sighs. "Then that'll suck. Then you gotta make the decision of if you're willing to forgive him or not. But you should at least give the guy a chance to explain, because no matter what the original plan with Patty was- if there even was one- his feelings for you are real. Everyone can tell."

"How can everyone tell?"

"Because of the way he looks at you when you aren't looking at him. If he were trying to convince you that he likes you, he wouldn't look at you the way he does- he'd only do it when you're paying attention," Alex explains, and the blue-haired boy hesitantly nods.

"So, you don't think I should decide right now if I should cut them off or trust them?" Awsten asks, slouching into the couch slightly.

"I don't think that either of those options would be fair to any of you. You can't just convince yourself to trust them right now- I just don't think that's possible for you. But you also can't just cut them off, because then you'll never know what this is all about. You might leave them behind over something that isn't that bad," Alex answers, offering the younger boy a small smile. "I could fill a lifetime with the love that I've left behind, and I don't want you to make the same mistakes."

***

The next morning, Awsten wakes up. He stays in bed for a little while, thinking.

Alex is right- he should confront Geoff. He deserves answers, and Geoff deserves a chance to prove his innocence.

The blue-haired boy has never really been one for confrontation. He's always kept his head down, leaving the moment things get too intense. Hell, that's how he'd ended up living with Geoff, Otto, and Jawn in the first place.