Hard To See (Gawsten)

twenty-seven

After casually leaving the kitchen, snatching Jawn and Otto, and popping back out to the backyard to say a quick goodbye to Patty, Gerard, Alex, and Kellin, Awsten leads the way out of the thumping house.

Geoff's hand is in Awsten's and all four boys let relief wash over them. The cool night air clears the smell of smoke and alcohol from them, and the moon and street lights offer clarity as they walk on the sidewalk. They walk a few blocks before stopping. Geoff tightens his hold on Awsten's hand, afraid that the blue-haired boy is about to pull away.

He doesn't.

"So, Patty explained everything. I'm really sorry, guys," Awsten mentions.

"To be fair, it did look really bad. I understand why you did what you did," Jawn comments, and Otto nods in agreement.

"Yeah, but I still shouldn't have done it. You guys didn't deserve that," the blue-haired boy mumbles, and Geoff squeezes his hand fondly.

"We're just glad you're back," the brunet says, and the four continue walking.

Awsten takes a moment to let the warmth emanating from Geoff's hand wash over him.

Otto and Jawn keep purposefully bumping into each other and messing around in the streetlight- chattering, laughing, and relieved.

The blue-haired boy is so glad to be home.

Geoff squeezes his hand, and Awsten looks up at him, a question popping into his head. "Why was Travis there?"

"He's just in town visiting- he'll be gone within a few days," the brunet says, and strokes the back of Awsten's hand with his thumb.

Awsten sighs in relief. "Good."

Soon, they reach Otto's house, and Jawn and Otto both take turns hugging Awsten before going to bed. They're exhausted from the past few days and also want to give the other two boys a bit of alone time to talk.

Awsten and Geoff settle into the couch, a little too wide awake to consider going to bed yet. They sit close together, almost touching.

The blue-haired boy looks over at Geoff, seeing that he's deep in thought. "What'cha thinkin' about?" He asks softly.

"Um," Geoff begins, but hesitates, blushing. "Back there at the party- I know that kiss was just to make Travis go away," the brunet anxiously meets Awsten's eyes. But, um... I really liked it. And I really like you."

The blue-haired boy's eyes go wide. He's not all that surprised at the confession itself, but he is surprised that Geoff is confessing. The entire time that they've known each other, Geoff has treated him like a prince. He's always known that the brunet likes him, but Geoff has never actually talked about it- it's just something that was understood.

The brunet breaks eye contact and looks down at his lap, slightly panicked. "I know that you're g-going through a lot, and I totally understand if you don't feel the same. I don't expect you to like me back. You've got so much going on, and I know this m-might not be the right time-" Geoff begins rambling, and Awsten cuts him off by putting his hands on either side of the brunet's face and turning his head so that he can kiss him.

Geoff is too shocked to kiss back at first, but after a few seconds his lips start moving and his arms go around the blue-haired boy's waist, pulling him closer.

After a few moments, they pull apart. Geoff rests his forehead against Awsten's, and the blue-haired boy giggles. "This is absolutely the right time."

***

The next morning feels right. The sunlight comes in through the blinds, warming the blankets around the two boys as they sleep. Awsten's head is on Geoff's chest, and the brunet takes comfort in the feeling of the weight, even in unconsciousness.

Soft snores come from Awsten, his breathing matched up with Geoff's.

Jawn sneaks in to see if they're awake, Otto by his side.

"Let them sleep- they need it," Jawn whispers, gently closing the door on the cozy scene.

"If you're fixing breakfast then I'm pretty sure we won't have to worry about waking them up," Otto mumbles sleepily, leading the way down the hall.

"You're right, the smell of my blueberry muffins will definitely get them up," Jawn says, going to the oven and beginning to preheat it.

"I was talking about the fire alarm going off, but okay," Otto mumbles, starting the coffee maker.

***

The boys wake up to the smell of muffins, but they don't move just yet.

Awsten's snores stop, and Geoff starts tracing gentle circles on his hip. They lay there, letting the sunlight warm them.

The blue-haired boy lets his mind wander as he listens to Geoff's heartbeat. He remembers a time not too long ago when he was invisible. His mom didn't particularly care for him, and everyone he came into contact with at school thought he was a totally different person. All he wanted was to be seen.

It was as if he was so hard to see that people either didn't see him at all, or they saw him in the wrong way. He lived like that for a long time, and he never had the courage to fix it.

But now, with his best friends cooking breakfast in the kitchen, and Geoff in the bed right beside him, he knows that he's entirely visible.

***

Holy shit it's over. That's it, that's the end!

Y'all have no idea how many endings I shuffled through to find one I liked. I'm not gonna lie, there was this one idea that I had that I almost went with that would've been a completely different ending, but it just didn't feel right (plus y'all would've crucified me for it, trust me).

This story means so fucking much to me, I can't even begin to explain. In the two years that I've been working on this, it has taught me so much, and this is only the beginning. I've been trying to figure out writing for years, and it feels like I've finally begun taking steps in the right direction.

Thank you all so much for reading!!💕