Shape of me✔️

Lost

       ~~S H A P E  O F M E~~
A choke, a sniffle then a sneeze; I braced myself for another one of the worst days of my life. The door creaked open as I stepped into the house, my shoes leaving traces of snow behind me on the foot mat. I jerked my key out of the keyhole as I took somber steps into the house.

"The House of The Lord," the huge framed picture of Jesus sat contentedly on the wall, forcefully slapping anyone and everyone who made a decision to visit our overly humble abode in the face. You couldn't look away from our Lord on the cross even if you wanted to. The stained picture was painful enough to purge a man's filthy heart and make him want to confess his worst sins.

Right then, 'The House of The Lord' reeked of cigarette smoke and booze that was enough to make me want to throw up. I was absolutely sure Jesus didn't want to be in it just as much as I didn't want to either.

Have you ever been at home but not feel like you were home?

I felt like that every Tuesday. I had a home that I didn't want to call a home. I never wanted to be there.

If Mami knew about all that happened while she wasn't at home, she never said anything. But of course she knew. She opened the windows as soon as she came back from work, sprayed some air fresheners and hid the scattered beer bottles as quickly as she could. She thought we never noticed. But we knew all too well. All of us but Titi.

He was deep into it already. It started out as a hobby, but now he was too dependent on them to let go. They were his best friends. When he wasn't yelling, sulking or angry, he was smoking or drinking.

Sometimes I wondered if he remembered that he had a daughter. Although I wasn't his biological daughter and he could never see me as one, Titi was his own flesh and blood. It was saddening that he failed as both. As a stepfather and a father.

The rug flattened even more under my feet as I climbed up to my room. The room however felt stuffy; just like the whole house was. I opened the windows, threw a few sprays of perfume in the air and tucked my dirty clothes away in the baskets, but it still didn't change a thing.

I felt like I was trapped.

I had to leave.

As soon as my fingers touched the doorknob, the bell rang twice in a row. I opened the door and there stood a fairly slender and gorgeously dressed girl in front of me.

"Hey Tems!"

"Hey..." I stared at her with my mouth half-open.

"Are you ready to go out with us?"

"Us?" I asked as she clicked her nails together. Sherrandah was the only person I knew that could make such a simple action look cool.

"Yes us. You are coming to a party with us. I told you I was gone come over to your house, didn't I?"

"Umm yeah... But how did you even know where I live?"

"Connections baby girl. Were you going out before? You look dressed." She nodded at me.

I stared at my outfit and noticed I was reasonably dressed for spending some time outside. "No I was just going out for a stroll."

"Good. So you can come with us right? Or you want me to talk to yo mama?"

"No, no, no." I said quickly. "My mum isn't at home now and she won't be back till like 10 or 11pm."

"That's good. We'll be back way before then. Anybody at home you want me to talk to? Like yo dad or someone?"